Unworthy yet Worth It

The sanctuary had it's usual familiar faces spread out in the rows on this dreary Sunday morning.  The processional started the way it always does, the newest deacon to the eldest of priests with the crucifix and gospel in between but something felt different.  Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and an excitement rose in my heart, tears uncontrollable filled my eyes and the sound of angels singing rang in my ears. I stood, arms reaching up, head held high, feeling such humility.  "I have nothing to offer you, Lord.  My clothes are hand-me ups (as my sister-in-law like to call them), my hands are empty, my banking account, not so big...I am so unworthy of this place and yet you have invited me here to be with you.  How can this be?"  "I just want you, Joy." He answers.  "I want you when the sun is shining down on you, when your world is all as it should be, when things are going according to plan.  I want you in the desert place, when you are walking through the wilderness, when the darkness is closing in.  I want you to always be mine and remember me.  Remember what I have done for you, what I am doing for you now, and what I will do for you in the days to come."  Again, unworthiness all -consuming fills my heart and though people are all around, I am unaware of their presence.  I am soaking up eternity. "Look over at your husband, Joy.  See what I am doing."  Through a tear filled vision, I turn to look over at Seth and there he is, boldly standing with arms out stretched, eyes upward, singing praises to our Abba.  I am in awe.  My world is spinning, healing is happening, restoration is taking place, renewal has occurred and I am frozen in shock.  I knew the Lord was capable but I never could have imagined it happening with such amazement.  It's too much for me to soak in.  I feel like I am walking in a dream.  The closest I can equate this to is what Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, must have felt after escaping the fiery blazes with the Lord by their side.  It's just unreal.  The Father that formed me in my mother's womb has orchestrated this beautiful symphony and has chosen me...me to be witness to it.  I wanted to walk out at times.  In the midst of pain and hurt, I wanted to bolt.  I wanted to choose a different path because I was sure God screwed up somehow in placing me here and I would have missed it all.  Even now, with the memories of my thoughts about abandoning this place makes me shutter with guilt.  "How could I have been so selfish Lord?  I am so unworthy but so grateful that You did not give up on me like I wanted to on you, like I actually did at times.  Forgive me Abba.  Forgive me.  Thank you for your love, your mercy, your grace.  I love you!"  He lovingly replies, "You are worth it my dear, worth it all!"

The Lord has done great things!