I forgot the diapers

I found another interesting, oddly shaped, uniquely colored suitcase this morning on my way to the gym and guess what, it belongs to the infamous "inability baggage" riding on the carriage of fear.  It's name: BLAME -   The inability to own up to your actions.

I pulled into the parking lot very proud of how well our morning was shaping out to be.  My girls and I are finally adjusting to the time change and are beginning to make "being on time" a habit again.  As I looked around for a parking spot, there was my girlfriend waiting on me. "Awesome, she's on time too!"  Then without missing a beat in what was shaping up to be a perfect drum solo rhythm, a truck started backing out of a "rockstar" parking space.  "It just gets better and better."  I pulled in, turned off the car, looked back at my girls and it hit me...I forgot to put diapers in the diaper bag.  No worries, Wal-Greens is right next door.  I can run in and out in five minutes and we can get back to rocking this day out.  With a quick explanation to my friend who looked confused at my giving up the perfect parking spot, I was off.  I ran into the store, found the baby isle, size 3 Huggies were on sale "SWEET", got up to the register, swiped my card and...NOT APPROVED!  What?  That can't be right.  "Can I try it again?" I asked the clerk.  And so, a push of a button, another swipe and "Beep....NOT APPROVED".  "Ugh, you are kidding me."  "Can you try swiping it? Maybe something is wrong with this machine."  Ever so annoyed, the clerk did as I asked only to get the same result.  So here I was, diaperless, penniless (so it seemed) and unable to go to the gym.  It must be my husband's fault!  He has screwed up somehow and I am about to let him know just how amazingly upset I am.  I jump into the car, drive off in a rage, check my rearview mirror and then realize I have forgotten to buckle my three year old daughter in.  "GREAT!"  On top of everything, I now get the Mom of the Year Award <insert sarcastic tone here>.  After pulling over, buckling her in, I called my girlfriend to let her know I wouldn't be coming after all, hang up with her, furiously dial Seth because it was time to play the blame game.  I threw on my well fitted boxing gloves perfect for shoving my problems onto someone else and my unsuspecting husband fell victim to my rage.  He handled it like a champ, I must say and after slight investigation, I found out it was a mistake on both our parts but easily fixable.  I reached my driveway and felt horrible for what I had just done to Seth and knew an apology was in order.  It was there that God began to speak to me, teaching me yet another lesson.  For a long time, I have blamed other people for my behavior.  "If it wasn't for what they had done to me then I wouldn't be this way," my excuses would go and out of fear, I blamed.  I blamed because admitting I was wrong made me vulnerable.  I blamed because showing that I could screw up meant that my argument to be perfect was null and my point was void.  I blamed because it excused my erratic behavior and correcting it meant I could no longer hide in self pity.  I felt safe in self pity but I am now learning to feel safe in the arms of Christ thus realizing that blaming can no longer be apart of my life either.  I am to own up and weed out with a boldness that says, "I am fearing not, for He is the Lord".  Talk about spring cleaning.   I do thank you Lord for showing me once again how your love can conquer all and I do not need run to unstable structures for shelter but to your everlasting arms always.  I love you!