This being my first post is exciting and so I will just jump right in as if I have been doing this all along:

I freaked out today, well not officially today... it has been a slow progression all week but today I finally flipped hard core, abandoning all the things that I have learned, that God has taught me, and went running for the shelter of anger and fear.  Luckily, God has the ability to talk bluntly to me through my husband and though it is extremely hard to hear (especially from him) through the wax build up of pride that gathers in my ears, I actually listened this time and was able to recognize what I was doing and snap out of my despair.  I was/am actually pretty excited about this development.  To me, it shows that walls are being brought down and logical, loving sense is able to actually penetrate my heart.  I pray that one day I will find fear is not actually a shelter but a coffin and that not have the knee jerk reaction of running to IT but to God instead.  Yes...to God instead, He is my strength and true shelter.