"Thick as thieves", my Momma used to say about me and my older sister. She'd hold my hand and pray that our journey would be safe, as we walked home from my grandmother's house, just as dusk was setting upon the day. Almost every night, we'd curl up in her bed and talk until our eyes grew heavy and sleep, finally, quieted our mouths. Often, I would sneak into her closet and barrow her clothes, just so that I could look like her. She'd get mad, throw me out, only to call me back in five minutes later because she had changed her mind. With a sweet smile, she would hand me whatever I was wanting. I sat in the back seat when my grandmother tried to teach her how to drive, holding on for dear life as I was sure she was going to kill us. A few years later, I wrecked her first truck. When I was fifteen, I watched her bring life into this world and start her journey as a single mom. She stood beside me on my wedding day, cried with me when I thought my marriage would fall apart and prayed with me as healing took place. She taught me how to apply make up and shave my legs. She taught me how to nurse my children and the best tricks on how to get them potty trained. She has taught me how your world can be falling apart around you but with Christ, you can always have peace and wear a smile. But there is one thing that trumps all these things and my favorite lesson taught by my big sister, my July:
On a warm spring day, we headed outside as we usually did after school. Two little toe headed girls, we were, plotting our next adventure. We ran along our fence, searching for the perfect spot to have our "tea party" but something caught my sister's eye. "JOY!" she exclaimed, "Come here!" As usual, when July called, I jumped and ran to where ever she was. Her long blonde hair blew in the breeze, as she reached for a vine with white and yellow tiny flowers. Grabbing one off the vine, she looked back over her shoulder at me and smiled, "HONEYSUCKLE!" Confused, I shrugged at her as if to say, "And?" "Come here, I'll show you." She plucked off the bottom of the flower and ever so slowly, began to pull out the middle stem. A bubble appeared at the bottom of the flower. "Here, taste it!" Hesitantly, I stuck out my tongue. It was the sweetest thing I had ever put in my mouth. "How did you do that?" I asked. "Watch, I'll show you again." Before long, the vine was bare where we stood and our laughter filled the air. That is the day I learned how to eat honeysuckle. July has taught me so many things. Most all of these things have been for a greater purpose or have come with hard life lessons but this, this one thing, was so extremely pure with nothing more than joy to be received or given from it. It was a beautiful moment in my childhood, one that I will never forget.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
"And so it is with God."
A man built a boat, loaded two animals of every kind upon it. Days later, the earth flooded..the entire earth with not one stitch of dry land to be found. The man, his family, and all the animals were saved because of the massive boat and able to repopulate the earth once the water recended.
A man was thrown overboard from a boat due to controversary with it's passangers. A giant fish comes along and swallows the man up. Three days later, the fish throws him up onto the shore, still alive.
A young boy, never having fought with sword or shield, is placed before a giant to defeat in battle. With stones and a sling, the boy flings his first stone into the forehead of the giant. The blow brought the giant to his death. The young boy was the victor.
A man walked this earth with complete perfection, never committing one sin, performed extravagant amounts of miracles, and claimed to be the son of God. He was hung on a cross, bringing upon his death then rose back to life three days later.
"And so it is with God."
Most every story writen in the scriptures are fantastical in nature. The events in black and white, passed down from generation from generation, can be hard to believe yet are taken as truth by many Christians. They say, "God works in mysterious way." yet I have found that His ways are not mysterious, just, more often than not, fantastical.
These amazing things, miraculous things, are not just things of the past; things of biblical times. We hear about things that we just wrap our minds around everyday. I think about my own life. I often refer to myself as a freak for I have walked a path that would be fantasy for most people. I have experienced trial and come out on the other end still in tact when most women do not..."but so it is with God."
The miracle, the fantasy, the unbelievable only happens when God is involved, whether we give Him credit or not. He is the one who can save us from drowning waters, give us victory over giants, save us from a din of lions, save our marriages, reunite parent and child after an abduction, bless the work of our hands, bring joy despite our circumstances, and forgive us with a grace that we can not understand.
A man was thrown overboard from a boat due to controversary with it's passangers. A giant fish comes along and swallows the man up. Three days later, the fish throws him up onto the shore, still alive.
A young boy, never having fought with sword or shield, is placed before a giant to defeat in battle. With stones and a sling, the boy flings his first stone into the forehead of the giant. The blow brought the giant to his death. The young boy was the victor.
A man walked this earth with complete perfection, never committing one sin, performed extravagant amounts of miracles, and claimed to be the son of God. He was hung on a cross, bringing upon his death then rose back to life three days later.
"And so it is with God."
Most every story writen in the scriptures are fantastical in nature. The events in black and white, passed down from generation from generation, can be hard to believe yet are taken as truth by many Christians. They say, "God works in mysterious way." yet I have found that His ways are not mysterious, just, more often than not, fantastical.
These amazing things, miraculous things, are not just things of the past; things of biblical times. We hear about things that we just wrap our minds around everyday. I think about my own life. I often refer to myself as a freak for I have walked a path that would be fantasy for most people. I have experienced trial and come out on the other end still in tact when most women do not..."but so it is with God."
The miracle, the fantasy, the unbelievable only happens when God is involved, whether we give Him credit or not. He is the one who can save us from drowning waters, give us victory over giants, save us from a din of lions, save our marriages, reunite parent and child after an abduction, bless the work of our hands, bring joy despite our circumstances, and forgive us with a grace that we can not understand.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
The Rain
There was an elderly woman whom I had the pleasure of knowing and with fond memory, I recall her saying on many occasions, "We complain when it rains, and we complain when it doesn't." Well today, I have found myself complaining that it is, for the third day in a row now, in fact raining and quite frankly, I am over it!!! I could never be one to inhabit the city of Seattle where it's popularly known for its large amount of rainy days and grey atmosphere. (I say that...now watch God move me there.) Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a thunder storm just as much as the next person but typically, they tend to pass within hours and we can get back to enjoying the sun...even if it does bring humidity. Continual rain, day after day after day can quickly cause me to slip into a form of laziness and just a feeling of "blah". I'm an active girl, constantly busy and sometimes the rain forces me to stay put, rest, and just remain still. I'm not always a big fan of that for long periods of time.
So, as I stood on my covered porch, reluctant to step off, away from shelter, to go and escort my daugher home from the bus stop, I did not hesitate to utter another complaint, "Jesus! Really! Won't you make this rain stop already." This time, He did not remain quiet. "My child, do you not think I know best when it comes to what my creation needs. As the earth soaks up every last drop in preparation for the dry months, likewise your soul should soak up my love. There will be days when you long for the rain to cool a hot day but the earth will be sustained and still bring forth a harvest. Take note, dear one. The earth obeys my commands thus able to bear fruit in the driest of days. It does so because I supplied it with the means to do so and it drank deep as it was told. Store up for yourself treasures in heaven and when all around you feels dry and weary, you too will still be able to bear fruit."
When in preparation for the dry days, may I have the compliancy of Earth and soak up all the love Christ pours out so that when circumstances leave me rung tight and dehydrated, I can sustain on the His thirst quenching love and bear fruit according to His will. Thank you Jesus for this powerful lesson on a rainy day.
So, as I stood on my covered porch, reluctant to step off, away from shelter, to go and escort my daugher home from the bus stop, I did not hesitate to utter another complaint, "Jesus! Really! Won't you make this rain stop already." This time, He did not remain quiet. "My child, do you not think I know best when it comes to what my creation needs. As the earth soaks up every last drop in preparation for the dry months, likewise your soul should soak up my love. There will be days when you long for the rain to cool a hot day but the earth will be sustained and still bring forth a harvest. Take note, dear one. The earth obeys my commands thus able to bear fruit in the driest of days. It does so because I supplied it with the means to do so and it drank deep as it was told. Store up for yourself treasures in heaven and when all around you feels dry and weary, you too will still be able to bear fruit."
When in preparation for the dry days, may I have the compliancy of Earth and soak up all the love Christ pours out so that when circumstances leave me rung tight and dehydrated, I can sustain on the His thirst quenching love and bear fruit according to His will. Thank you Jesus for this powerful lesson on a rainy day.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Love keeps no record of wrongs
"Love keeps no record of wrongs"
I'm normally a kitchen sink kind of girl, especially with my husband. When we "fight", I love to pull the past into the present to make sure I win every time... but God (Hallelujah) has decided it is time to remedy this lovely trait of mine. He lodged this piece, just this one little piece (not even a whole stinkin' verse) of scripture into my stubborn head at the beginning of last week. Love keeps NO record of wrongs. So, I soaked it in, prayed over it, meditated upon it and just when I began to "get comfortable" with it, God tested it. Needless to say, I screwed it all up. I failed miserably within the first moments of recent confrontation. {My husband and I are fine now, for he is a patient man, and I am not above giving a much needed apology.}
Why God did not give us the wonderful gift he so lovingly portrays himself of forgetting our past transgressions once we ask for forgiveness, I do not know but longingly wish for it. Maybe it's because free will depends on memory. Maybe it is to learn how to lay down our flesh on a regular, moment by moment basis, molding us into something greater, something that more resembles His being or maybe we retain memory so that we know what we chose and remember what He brought us out of. Whatever the case may be, memory makes it very difficult to love as he does, keeping no record of wrongs. All that being said, I have no doubt that this is very doable for with Christ all things are just that and I accept the opportunity to love my husband and others just this way.
Once we release our hurts into the hands of Christ and love without restriction, healing and refinement occur. Thanks be to God!
I'm normally a kitchen sink kind of girl, especially with my husband. When we "fight", I love to pull the past into the present to make sure I win every time... but God (Hallelujah) has decided it is time to remedy this lovely trait of mine. He lodged this piece, just this one little piece (not even a whole stinkin' verse) of scripture into my stubborn head at the beginning of last week. Love keeps NO record of wrongs. So, I soaked it in, prayed over it, meditated upon it and just when I began to "get comfortable" with it, God tested it. Needless to say, I screwed it all up. I failed miserably within the first moments of recent confrontation. {My husband and I are fine now, for he is a patient man, and I am not above giving a much needed apology.}
Why God did not give us the wonderful gift he so lovingly portrays himself of forgetting our past transgressions once we ask for forgiveness, I do not know but longingly wish for it. Maybe it's because free will depends on memory. Maybe it is to learn how to lay down our flesh on a regular, moment by moment basis, molding us into something greater, something that more resembles His being or maybe we retain memory so that we know what we chose and remember what He brought us out of. Whatever the case may be, memory makes it very difficult to love as he does, keeping no record of wrongs. All that being said, I have no doubt that this is very doable for with Christ all things are just that and I accept the opportunity to love my husband and others just this way.
Once we release our hurts into the hands of Christ and love without restriction, healing and refinement occur. Thanks be to God!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
In the Light
Ephesians 5: 9-14
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
There is a period in my life that I refer to as "walking in the dark". It came after things were exposed in my marriage and I fell into a state of numbness and depression. I contemplated suicide on several occasions. I allowed my emotions to over take me, causing self detriment and the list goes on with many other very "dark" behaviors pouring out of me that I had never felt nor had to deal with. However, all the while, Christ was ever pursuing, ever loving, and ever wooing me, even when I would try to fight him off or didn't even realize he was doing it.
This past Sunday, the sermon my priest gave was on the scripture above and it really made me stop and think. In fact, I specifically heard the Lord ask me, "Why do you call My LIGHT your darkness?" The truth is, I have had it all backwards (I tend to screw that up quite often). The hardest time in my life (thus far) hasn't been because God abandoned me but because He turned his light on in my life, my marriage, exposing everything so that nothing could be left in the dark, and walked me/us through how to trust him even more than I already did. My actual darkness was before the Lord exposed all things and it was fruitless. I had no experience to empathize or sympathize with anyone. My words were empty, my faith was empty, and my relationship with Christ was extremely shallow.
I love how in the scripture above it says, "everything that is illuminated becomes a light". It's strange to think that such nasty, evil, ugliness can actually be turned into something pure and holy as light but that's the awesomeness of our God. He can bring testimony, purpose, and righteousness out of anything and everything in our lives if we allow ourselves to live under His illumination.
Living in the light is much tougher than living in the dark ONLY when we do not put our faith in the Lord. This is why we struggle so much and consider it "a dark time" when all things are exposed. However, living in the light of our Abba brings freedom and LIFE...Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Removing A Splinter
I walked downstairs, following the sounds of my screaming and crying five year old, and saw her laying on the floor, my husband sitting cross legged in front of her, her feet in his lap, and tweezers in my husband's hand. Jocelyn had gotten a splinter in her foot and Daddy was vainly attempting to pull it out. Every time he would grab her toe to brace her foot, she would yell out in pain, jerk her foot away, and roll around screaming about how bad it was going to hurt if he touched it. After a while, my husband had had enough, scooted away from her and said, "Joci, you have to relax. Do you trust me? I will not be able to get this out of your foot unless you trust me but I am not going to force you to allow me to do it either. The choice is yours. If you want to get rid of this splinter that is causing you pain, trust me and push through, than I will be glad to remove it, but if you aren't ready, if you won't stop fighting me then the splinter will just have to stay where it is."
I have seen this scenario happen all too often in my own life between me and the Lord. I'll come to Him, asking Him to help me get rid of the splinter in my foot, be it un-forgiveness, pride, bitterness, hurt, etc... only to fight like a mad dog in a muzzle when I see the surgical tools He plans on using to rid me of my affliction. In my human eyes, the tools appear very sharp and hold the possibility of feeling more painful than the splinter stuck in my flesh Then, just like my husband with our daughter, He looks at me with gentle eyes, puts down the utensils and waits patiently until I am ready, really ready. He does not force His hand; He assures me that I can trust Him; and makes very known that it is my choice, but once I choose Him, that I will have the ability to walk pain free.
The truth is, God's refinement does hurt our flesh more than our affliction does at times but the end result is complete healing. Once we surrender to His "surgical procedures" we don't have to walk around with a limp, open wound, or blurred eye sight any longer. We are given freedom in all things; to receive blessings and pour them out; to receive love and give it unconditionally; and to share our story of healing, giving opportunity to others to trust in our Abba and His ability to heal. Even better, He gives our affliction purpose. He works it out for His good. He gives us a testimony and recollection so that we can gain thankfulness and appreciate His love for us.
Our Daddy is a good and patient one.
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
I have seen this scenario happen all too often in my own life between me and the Lord. I'll come to Him, asking Him to help me get rid of the splinter in my foot, be it un-forgiveness, pride, bitterness, hurt, etc... only to fight like a mad dog in a muzzle when I see the surgical tools He plans on using to rid me of my affliction. In my human eyes, the tools appear very sharp and hold the possibility of feeling more painful than the splinter stuck in my flesh Then, just like my husband with our daughter, He looks at me with gentle eyes, puts down the utensils and waits patiently until I am ready, really ready. He does not force His hand; He assures me that I can trust Him; and makes very known that it is my choice, but once I choose Him, that I will have the ability to walk pain free.
The truth is, God's refinement does hurt our flesh more than our affliction does at times but the end result is complete healing. Once we surrender to His "surgical procedures" we don't have to walk around with a limp, open wound, or blurred eye sight any longer. We are given freedom in all things; to receive blessings and pour them out; to receive love and give it unconditionally; and to share our story of healing, giving opportunity to others to trust in our Abba and His ability to heal. Even better, He gives our affliction purpose. He works it out for His good. He gives us a testimony and recollection so that we can gain thankfulness and appreciate His love for us.
Our Daddy is a good and patient one.
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Camping
I volunteered to drive my grandfather's Winnabago so that he could ride with my parents and get some rest. After they packed up their car, they went on ahead of us to the camp site's rental office to return some borrowed gear and settle up on our debt. All strapped in, except for Seth, who sat between me and my grandmother, leaned forward; elbows propped up on the head rests, I turned to back out of our camping spot. My two little girls, Jocelyn, age 5, and Lila, age 2, were passed out asleep before we could even get their seat belts buckled. It had been a busy weekend of white water rafting, tubing and camping on the Oconee River with my parents and grand parents but it had come to an end and time to head home.
Within moments of being in reverse, I realized the massive vehicle did not have enough room to get turned around before it would head into a guard rail. I checked out my options. I could pull forward and vere to the right and head into a round about and it seemed like the best and only option but there was down side. A sign nearby read, "Cars and small trucks only". Apparently, there was a steep down grade of the road at the bottom of the round about and unsafe for large, heavy vehicles. Throwing caution to the wind, trusting my driving abilities, and feeling like I had no other choice, I headed down into the turn around. How bad could it be?
"SETH!!!! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?" I was screaming at the top of my lungs in sheer panic. My hands tightly gripped the stiring wheel turning my knuckles white. My foot pumped the brakes so hard my calf was cramping, but the winnabago only picked up speed regardless of my efforts to stop it. The sign of warning had proven itself right and I was in deep regret for testing it. "SEEEEEEEETH!" I continued, but my husband sat in silence, not moving, not even a worried look on his face; in fact, all my passangers seemed to be completely unscathed by what was going on and I grew angry and confused. We were heading straight into the raging waters of the river and no one seemed to be bothered in the least bit. Our fate was the river, there was no way around it, all I could do was brace myself and pray.
Within moments of being in the river, water poured it's way in through every crack it could find. We were quickly becoming a sinking ship. Franticly, I searched for my seat belt latch (suddenly forgetting where it was). When I finally found it and freed myself from the chair and sprang into action. My grandmother, in shock I suppose, sat lifeless, looking straight ahead, not moving a muscle. I unbuckled her, pushed open her door with super human strength and lead her through the opening. She woke from her haze and began to swim. However the open door only made the water pour in faster and I had to get my girls. The river was cold and threatening. It, too, searched for a way to my children but I was determined to find them first. Oddly, when I did, they still remained in their deep sleep. My hands shook with fear, adrinaline and chill as I grabbed them up and found my way to the side door. Seth was gone, obviously escaping a long while ago. I spotted him as I looked through the windshield of the sinking vehicle right before freeing my grandmother. He was swimming down river, never even looking back. He left me...alone... to do this all by myself. Why? None of that mattered right now. I had to swim to safety for me and the girls.
I reached the shore just in time to see the Winabago go end over head as it crashed into some jutting rocks. Shaken up pretty badly, I proceeded to walk down stream along the smooth river bank toward the camp site's reservations office in hopes that my parents and grandfather would still be there. "My grandfather..." my thoughts trailed, "oh, what am I going to tell my grandfather?" My stupid mistake almost got us all killed and on top of that destroyed his Winnabago. "He will be so upset." and with that thought and all of the other thoughts of the very recent events, my emotions finally took over and I began to weep. I put down my girls and crumpled onto the ground in a big heeving mess.
After some time, I was able to grab up some composure, I finally found my destination and spotted the faces of my loving family, Seth included. Thank goodness they had not left yet. My grandfather sat in a lawn chair enjoying the shade while my parents busily checked us out of the camp site. He spotted me walking towards him and said, "Well hey Joy! Come on and join me" patting the chair beside him. I sat, head down, knot in throat and opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by, "Why girl, you are soaking wet! What on earth?" "Paw-Paw..." I stammered and got through my story very slowly, stopping every now and then to wipe my face and blow my nose. When my story came to a close, a warm hand stroked my back and the soothing voice of my grandfather spoke, "Well Joy, these things happen sometimes. I didn't like that old Winnabago anyway."
.................
My eyes flug open, trying to adjust to the darkness. My grandfather's words still ringing in my ears, and a smile forming on my lips. It was all a dream! A dream...thank the good Lord, it was only a dream. It was kind of bittersweet to wake up though. I got to see my Paw-Paw and it made the horrible nightmare turn into a sweet dream and all worth while.
Within moments of being in reverse, I realized the massive vehicle did not have enough room to get turned around before it would head into a guard rail. I checked out my options. I could pull forward and vere to the right and head into a round about and it seemed like the best and only option but there was down side. A sign nearby read, "Cars and small trucks only". Apparently, there was a steep down grade of the road at the bottom of the round about and unsafe for large, heavy vehicles. Throwing caution to the wind, trusting my driving abilities, and feeling like I had no other choice, I headed down into the turn around. How bad could it be?
"SETH!!!! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?" I was screaming at the top of my lungs in sheer panic. My hands tightly gripped the stiring wheel turning my knuckles white. My foot pumped the brakes so hard my calf was cramping, but the winnabago only picked up speed regardless of my efforts to stop it. The sign of warning had proven itself right and I was in deep regret for testing it. "SEEEEEEEETH!" I continued, but my husband sat in silence, not moving, not even a worried look on his face; in fact, all my passangers seemed to be completely unscathed by what was going on and I grew angry and confused. We were heading straight into the raging waters of the river and no one seemed to be bothered in the least bit. Our fate was the river, there was no way around it, all I could do was brace myself and pray.
Within moments of being in the river, water poured it's way in through every crack it could find. We were quickly becoming a sinking ship. Franticly, I searched for my seat belt latch (suddenly forgetting where it was). When I finally found it and freed myself from the chair and sprang into action. My grandmother, in shock I suppose, sat lifeless, looking straight ahead, not moving a muscle. I unbuckled her, pushed open her door with super human strength and lead her through the opening. She woke from her haze and began to swim. However the open door only made the water pour in faster and I had to get my girls. The river was cold and threatening. It, too, searched for a way to my children but I was determined to find them first. Oddly, when I did, they still remained in their deep sleep. My hands shook with fear, adrinaline and chill as I grabbed them up and found my way to the side door. Seth was gone, obviously escaping a long while ago. I spotted him as I looked through the windshield of the sinking vehicle right before freeing my grandmother. He was swimming down river, never even looking back. He left me...alone... to do this all by myself. Why? None of that mattered right now. I had to swim to safety for me and the girls.
I reached the shore just in time to see the Winabago go end over head as it crashed into some jutting rocks. Shaken up pretty badly, I proceeded to walk down stream along the smooth river bank toward the camp site's reservations office in hopes that my parents and grandfather would still be there. "My grandfather..." my thoughts trailed, "oh, what am I going to tell my grandfather?" My stupid mistake almost got us all killed and on top of that destroyed his Winnabago. "He will be so upset." and with that thought and all of the other thoughts of the very recent events, my emotions finally took over and I began to weep. I put down my girls and crumpled onto the ground in a big heeving mess.
After some time, I was able to grab up some composure, I finally found my destination and spotted the faces of my loving family, Seth included. Thank goodness they had not left yet. My grandfather sat in a lawn chair enjoying the shade while my parents busily checked us out of the camp site. He spotted me walking towards him and said, "Well hey Joy! Come on and join me" patting the chair beside him. I sat, head down, knot in throat and opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by, "Why girl, you are soaking wet! What on earth?" "Paw-Paw..." I stammered and got through my story very slowly, stopping every now and then to wipe my face and blow my nose. When my story came to a close, a warm hand stroked my back and the soothing voice of my grandfather spoke, "Well Joy, these things happen sometimes. I didn't like that old Winnabago anyway."
.................
My eyes flug open, trying to adjust to the darkness. My grandfather's words still ringing in my ears, and a smile forming on my lips. It was all a dream! A dream...thank the good Lord, it was only a dream. It was kind of bittersweet to wake up though. I got to see my Paw-Paw and it made the horrible nightmare turn into a sweet dream and all worth while.
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