"Love keeps no record of wrongs"
I'm normally a kitchen sink kind of girl, especially with my husband. When we "fight", I love to pull the past into the present to make sure I win every time... but God (Hallelujah) has decided it is time to remedy this lovely trait of mine. He lodged this piece, just this one little piece (not even a whole stinkin' verse) of scripture into my stubborn head at the beginning of last week. Love keeps NO record of wrongs. So, I soaked it in, prayed over it, meditated upon it and just when I began to "get comfortable" with it, God tested it. Needless to say, I screwed it all up. I failed miserably within the first moments of recent confrontation. {My husband and I are fine now, for he is a patient man, and I am not above giving a much needed apology.}
Why God did not give us the wonderful gift he so lovingly portrays himself of forgetting our past transgressions once we ask for forgiveness, I do not know but longingly wish for it. Maybe it's because free will depends on memory. Maybe it is to learn how to lay down our flesh on a regular, moment by moment basis, molding us into something greater, something that more resembles His being or maybe we retain memory so that we know what we chose and remember what He brought us out of. Whatever the case may be, memory makes it very difficult to love as he does, keeping no record of wrongs. All that being said, I have no doubt that this is very doable for with Christ all things are just that and I accept the opportunity to love my husband and others just this way.
Once we release our hurts into the hands of Christ and love without restriction, healing and refinement occur. Thanks be to God!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
In the Light
Ephesians 5: 9-14
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
There is a period in my life that I refer to as "walking in the dark". It came after things were exposed in my marriage and I fell into a state of numbness and depression. I contemplated suicide on several occasions. I allowed my emotions to over take me, causing self detriment and the list goes on with many other very "dark" behaviors pouring out of me that I had never felt nor had to deal with. However, all the while, Christ was ever pursuing, ever loving, and ever wooing me, even when I would try to fight him off or didn't even realize he was doing it.
This past Sunday, the sermon my priest gave was on the scripture above and it really made me stop and think. In fact, I specifically heard the Lord ask me, "Why do you call My LIGHT your darkness?" The truth is, I have had it all backwards (I tend to screw that up quite often). The hardest time in my life (thus far) hasn't been because God abandoned me but because He turned his light on in my life, my marriage, exposing everything so that nothing could be left in the dark, and walked me/us through how to trust him even more than I already did. My actual darkness was before the Lord exposed all things and it was fruitless. I had no experience to empathize or sympathize with anyone. My words were empty, my faith was empty, and my relationship with Christ was extremely shallow.
I love how in the scripture above it says, "everything that is illuminated becomes a light". It's strange to think that such nasty, evil, ugliness can actually be turned into something pure and holy as light but that's the awesomeness of our God. He can bring testimony, purpose, and righteousness out of anything and everything in our lives if we allow ourselves to live under His illumination.
Living in the light is much tougher than living in the dark ONLY when we do not put our faith in the Lord. This is why we struggle so much and consider it "a dark time" when all things are exposed. However, living in the light of our Abba brings freedom and LIFE...Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Removing A Splinter
I walked downstairs, following the sounds of my screaming and crying five year old, and saw her laying on the floor, my husband sitting cross legged in front of her, her feet in his lap, and tweezers in my husband's hand. Jocelyn had gotten a splinter in her foot and Daddy was vainly attempting to pull it out. Every time he would grab her toe to brace her foot, she would yell out in pain, jerk her foot away, and roll around screaming about how bad it was going to hurt if he touched it. After a while, my husband had had enough, scooted away from her and said, "Joci, you have to relax. Do you trust me? I will not be able to get this out of your foot unless you trust me but I am not going to force you to allow me to do it either. The choice is yours. If you want to get rid of this splinter that is causing you pain, trust me and push through, than I will be glad to remove it, but if you aren't ready, if you won't stop fighting me then the splinter will just have to stay where it is."
I have seen this scenario happen all too often in my own life between me and the Lord. I'll come to Him, asking Him to help me get rid of the splinter in my foot, be it un-forgiveness, pride, bitterness, hurt, etc... only to fight like a mad dog in a muzzle when I see the surgical tools He plans on using to rid me of my affliction. In my human eyes, the tools appear very sharp and hold the possibility of feeling more painful than the splinter stuck in my flesh Then, just like my husband with our daughter, He looks at me with gentle eyes, puts down the utensils and waits patiently until I am ready, really ready. He does not force His hand; He assures me that I can trust Him; and makes very known that it is my choice, but once I choose Him, that I will have the ability to walk pain free.
The truth is, God's refinement does hurt our flesh more than our affliction does at times but the end result is complete healing. Once we surrender to His "surgical procedures" we don't have to walk around with a limp, open wound, or blurred eye sight any longer. We are given freedom in all things; to receive blessings and pour them out; to receive love and give it unconditionally; and to share our story of healing, giving opportunity to others to trust in our Abba and His ability to heal. Even better, He gives our affliction purpose. He works it out for His good. He gives us a testimony and recollection so that we can gain thankfulness and appreciate His love for us.
Our Daddy is a good and patient one.
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
I have seen this scenario happen all too often in my own life between me and the Lord. I'll come to Him, asking Him to help me get rid of the splinter in my foot, be it un-forgiveness, pride, bitterness, hurt, etc... only to fight like a mad dog in a muzzle when I see the surgical tools He plans on using to rid me of my affliction. In my human eyes, the tools appear very sharp and hold the possibility of feeling more painful than the splinter stuck in my flesh Then, just like my husband with our daughter, He looks at me with gentle eyes, puts down the utensils and waits patiently until I am ready, really ready. He does not force His hand; He assures me that I can trust Him; and makes very known that it is my choice, but once I choose Him, that I will have the ability to walk pain free.
The truth is, God's refinement does hurt our flesh more than our affliction does at times but the end result is complete healing. Once we surrender to His "surgical procedures" we don't have to walk around with a limp, open wound, or blurred eye sight any longer. We are given freedom in all things; to receive blessings and pour them out; to receive love and give it unconditionally; and to share our story of healing, giving opportunity to others to trust in our Abba and His ability to heal. Even better, He gives our affliction purpose. He works it out for His good. He gives us a testimony and recollection so that we can gain thankfulness and appreciate His love for us.
Our Daddy is a good and patient one.
Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Camping
I volunteered to drive my grandfather's Winnabago so that he could ride with my parents and get some rest. After they packed up their car, they went on ahead of us to the camp site's rental office to return some borrowed gear and settle up on our debt. All strapped in, except for Seth, who sat between me and my grandmother, leaned forward; elbows propped up on the head rests, I turned to back out of our camping spot. My two little girls, Jocelyn, age 5, and Lila, age 2, were passed out asleep before we could even get their seat belts buckled. It had been a busy weekend of white water rafting, tubing and camping on the Oconee River with my parents and grand parents but it had come to an end and time to head home.
Within moments of being in reverse, I realized the massive vehicle did not have enough room to get turned around before it would head into a guard rail. I checked out my options. I could pull forward and vere to the right and head into a round about and it seemed like the best and only option but there was down side. A sign nearby read, "Cars and small trucks only". Apparently, there was a steep down grade of the road at the bottom of the round about and unsafe for large, heavy vehicles. Throwing caution to the wind, trusting my driving abilities, and feeling like I had no other choice, I headed down into the turn around. How bad could it be?
"SETH!!!! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?" I was screaming at the top of my lungs in sheer panic. My hands tightly gripped the stiring wheel turning my knuckles white. My foot pumped the brakes so hard my calf was cramping, but the winnabago only picked up speed regardless of my efforts to stop it. The sign of warning had proven itself right and I was in deep regret for testing it. "SEEEEEEEETH!" I continued, but my husband sat in silence, not moving, not even a worried look on his face; in fact, all my passangers seemed to be completely unscathed by what was going on and I grew angry and confused. We were heading straight into the raging waters of the river and no one seemed to be bothered in the least bit. Our fate was the river, there was no way around it, all I could do was brace myself and pray.
Within moments of being in the river, water poured it's way in through every crack it could find. We were quickly becoming a sinking ship. Franticly, I searched for my seat belt latch (suddenly forgetting where it was). When I finally found it and freed myself from the chair and sprang into action. My grandmother, in shock I suppose, sat lifeless, looking straight ahead, not moving a muscle. I unbuckled her, pushed open her door with super human strength and lead her through the opening. She woke from her haze and began to swim. However the open door only made the water pour in faster and I had to get my girls. The river was cold and threatening. It, too, searched for a way to my children but I was determined to find them first. Oddly, when I did, they still remained in their deep sleep. My hands shook with fear, adrinaline and chill as I grabbed them up and found my way to the side door. Seth was gone, obviously escaping a long while ago. I spotted him as I looked through the windshield of the sinking vehicle right before freeing my grandmother. He was swimming down river, never even looking back. He left me...alone... to do this all by myself. Why? None of that mattered right now. I had to swim to safety for me and the girls.
I reached the shore just in time to see the Winabago go end over head as it crashed into some jutting rocks. Shaken up pretty badly, I proceeded to walk down stream along the smooth river bank toward the camp site's reservations office in hopes that my parents and grandfather would still be there. "My grandfather..." my thoughts trailed, "oh, what am I going to tell my grandfather?" My stupid mistake almost got us all killed and on top of that destroyed his Winnabago. "He will be so upset." and with that thought and all of the other thoughts of the very recent events, my emotions finally took over and I began to weep. I put down my girls and crumpled onto the ground in a big heeving mess.
After some time, I was able to grab up some composure, I finally found my destination and spotted the faces of my loving family, Seth included. Thank goodness they had not left yet. My grandfather sat in a lawn chair enjoying the shade while my parents busily checked us out of the camp site. He spotted me walking towards him and said, "Well hey Joy! Come on and join me" patting the chair beside him. I sat, head down, knot in throat and opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by, "Why girl, you are soaking wet! What on earth?" "Paw-Paw..." I stammered and got through my story very slowly, stopping every now and then to wipe my face and blow my nose. When my story came to a close, a warm hand stroked my back and the soothing voice of my grandfather spoke, "Well Joy, these things happen sometimes. I didn't like that old Winnabago anyway."
.................
My eyes flug open, trying to adjust to the darkness. My grandfather's words still ringing in my ears, and a smile forming on my lips. It was all a dream! A dream...thank the good Lord, it was only a dream. It was kind of bittersweet to wake up though. I got to see my Paw-Paw and it made the horrible nightmare turn into a sweet dream and all worth while.
Within moments of being in reverse, I realized the massive vehicle did not have enough room to get turned around before it would head into a guard rail. I checked out my options. I could pull forward and vere to the right and head into a round about and it seemed like the best and only option but there was down side. A sign nearby read, "Cars and small trucks only". Apparently, there was a steep down grade of the road at the bottom of the round about and unsafe for large, heavy vehicles. Throwing caution to the wind, trusting my driving abilities, and feeling like I had no other choice, I headed down into the turn around. How bad could it be?
"SETH!!!! WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?" I was screaming at the top of my lungs in sheer panic. My hands tightly gripped the stiring wheel turning my knuckles white. My foot pumped the brakes so hard my calf was cramping, but the winnabago only picked up speed regardless of my efforts to stop it. The sign of warning had proven itself right and I was in deep regret for testing it. "SEEEEEEEETH!" I continued, but my husband sat in silence, not moving, not even a worried look on his face; in fact, all my passangers seemed to be completely unscathed by what was going on and I grew angry and confused. We were heading straight into the raging waters of the river and no one seemed to be bothered in the least bit. Our fate was the river, there was no way around it, all I could do was brace myself and pray.
Within moments of being in the river, water poured it's way in through every crack it could find. We were quickly becoming a sinking ship. Franticly, I searched for my seat belt latch (suddenly forgetting where it was). When I finally found it and freed myself from the chair and sprang into action. My grandmother, in shock I suppose, sat lifeless, looking straight ahead, not moving a muscle. I unbuckled her, pushed open her door with super human strength and lead her through the opening. She woke from her haze and began to swim. However the open door only made the water pour in faster and I had to get my girls. The river was cold and threatening. It, too, searched for a way to my children but I was determined to find them first. Oddly, when I did, they still remained in their deep sleep. My hands shook with fear, adrinaline and chill as I grabbed them up and found my way to the side door. Seth was gone, obviously escaping a long while ago. I spotted him as I looked through the windshield of the sinking vehicle right before freeing my grandmother. He was swimming down river, never even looking back. He left me...alone... to do this all by myself. Why? None of that mattered right now. I had to swim to safety for me and the girls.
I reached the shore just in time to see the Winabago go end over head as it crashed into some jutting rocks. Shaken up pretty badly, I proceeded to walk down stream along the smooth river bank toward the camp site's reservations office in hopes that my parents and grandfather would still be there. "My grandfather..." my thoughts trailed, "oh, what am I going to tell my grandfather?" My stupid mistake almost got us all killed and on top of that destroyed his Winnabago. "He will be so upset." and with that thought and all of the other thoughts of the very recent events, my emotions finally took over and I began to weep. I put down my girls and crumpled onto the ground in a big heeving mess.
After some time, I was able to grab up some composure, I finally found my destination and spotted the faces of my loving family, Seth included. Thank goodness they had not left yet. My grandfather sat in a lawn chair enjoying the shade while my parents busily checked us out of the camp site. He spotted me walking towards him and said, "Well hey Joy! Come on and join me" patting the chair beside him. I sat, head down, knot in throat and opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by, "Why girl, you are soaking wet! What on earth?" "Paw-Paw..." I stammered and got through my story very slowly, stopping every now and then to wipe my face and blow my nose. When my story came to a close, a warm hand stroked my back and the soothing voice of my grandfather spoke, "Well Joy, these things happen sometimes. I didn't like that old Winnabago anyway."
.................
My eyes flug open, trying to adjust to the darkness. My grandfather's words still ringing in my ears, and a smile forming on my lips. It was all a dream! A dream...thank the good Lord, it was only a dream. It was kind of bittersweet to wake up though. I got to see my Paw-Paw and it made the horrible nightmare turn into a sweet dream and all worth while.
Friday, July 13, 2012
A House United
Mark 3:25 says, "If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand."
My husband and I are reading through the book of Mark at the moment and he happen to read this very passage one evening while we were in the middle of an argument. Jesus shook his finger at me as these words were read and all I could do was bow my head in acknowledgement. I knew my pride needed to wither and I needed to become reunited with my husband.
It is Satan's desire to cause discord in the house of unity and he will use any thing to cause disruption. Ever find yourself unable to remember how an argument started or unsure why exactly you are angry? Satan's little mind tricks have worked on us and we took the bull by the horns; setting him free in a china shop with our actions. Blow after blow we strike one another down and why? For what? For selfish gain and out of fear...all attitudes of our enemy.
A marriage, a family unit is a stronge force to be reckoned with against the enemy, should they all be standing together and our enemy certainly knows it. It's a stealthy tactic he uses to turn us against one another. If we can't recognize our pride and selfishness, our fear and hurt and hand them over to the Lord, our houses will certainly crumble.
Jesus said, "A new command I give you: Love one another, just as I love you, so you must love one another..." Paul describes love like this..."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." No, none of us will be perfect at this technique without a few slips of the flesh from time to time but with this as our families game plan, our house will not be divided against itself. It will stand strong in the face of our adversary. It will be a light to the world for our Abba whose love for us is perfect.
Help us Lord, to be a house united for you!
My husband and I are reading through the book of Mark at the moment and he happen to read this very passage one evening while we were in the middle of an argument. Jesus shook his finger at me as these words were read and all I could do was bow my head in acknowledgement. I knew my pride needed to wither and I needed to become reunited with my husband.
It is Satan's desire to cause discord in the house of unity and he will use any thing to cause disruption. Ever find yourself unable to remember how an argument started or unsure why exactly you are angry? Satan's little mind tricks have worked on us and we took the bull by the horns; setting him free in a china shop with our actions. Blow after blow we strike one another down and why? For what? For selfish gain and out of fear...all attitudes of our enemy.
A marriage, a family unit is a stronge force to be reckoned with against the enemy, should they all be standing together and our enemy certainly knows it. It's a stealthy tactic he uses to turn us against one another. If we can't recognize our pride and selfishness, our fear and hurt and hand them over to the Lord, our houses will certainly crumble.
Jesus said, "A new command I give you: Love one another, just as I love you, so you must love one another..." Paul describes love like this..."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." No, none of us will be perfect at this technique without a few slips of the flesh from time to time but with this as our families game plan, our house will not be divided against itself. It will stand strong in the face of our adversary. It will be a light to the world for our Abba whose love for us is perfect.
Help us Lord, to be a house united for you!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Day 2 of our Beach Trip
My eyes shot open this morning at 6:46 am at the sound of my husband's loud snores. "I could go for a run." I thought for a brief moment but quickly talked myself out of. After all, it is vacation and sleeping in should be on the agenda. So instead I drifted back off into peaceful sleep. An hour and a half past before I woke again...this time for good. Leaving my snoring prince to continue his slumber, I got to work on his Father's Day breakfast. I was soon greeted with the droopy eyes and smiling faces of my girls. They were hungry and ready to head to the beach. Breakfast almost ready. Bacon, eggs, toast and strawberries were on the menu but they turned up their noses and voted Fruit Loops for themselves. The smells of food brought our guy out of the bed and into the kitchen. "Happy Father's Day!" us girls greeted. With a grin and a thank you, he sat down to eat.
Soaked in sun screen and drapped in bathing suits, we headed outside to gather our things for the beach. Like the first settlers to America, we staked our claim on a plot of sand and called it ours. The Reds quickly got to work on sand mounds and hole digging while I cracked open my book and Seth headed for the waves. Soon after Joci was ready to venture out with Dad, boogie board in hand. Lila, on the other hand, has decided she is much like her mother with no desire to ride the waves. Several times I asked if she wanted to go out but was always answered with a quick "No"...just like the Capital One baby, that one.
Joci is a quick study and learned to boogie board like a champ on this first real day in the ocean. Lila, we discovered, loves the art of sand throwing and not just up in the air...at her sister's head. (She sat in "time out" quite a few times today for that.)
A little girl, bright red hair and able to claim my family if she wanted, came across my path crying and looking for her mommy. I waited a few moments to see if a woman would come to comfort before I approached this pitiful one but no one did and so, gently I asked if I could help her find her mommy and with big puppy dog eyes she agreed with a head nod. Her name was Sidney and after ten feet of walking in the direction she came, dad showed up with a smile and shouted her name. All was right again as she rushed into his arms, back to safty. Thank you Jesus!
I have found myself trying to pray a lot but the Spirit constantly is telling me, I'm covered so I sit in peace. No thoughts, no worries, no longings...very out of character for me to be quite honest but I will admit, I am loving the peace.
The girls have gone to bed without a fight and Seth is out to a movie for some down time on his day. I think I'll take advantage and read a bit more. So far, so perfect!
Soaked in sun screen and drapped in bathing suits, we headed outside to gather our things for the beach. Like the first settlers to America, we staked our claim on a plot of sand and called it ours. The Reds quickly got to work on sand mounds and hole digging while I cracked open my book and Seth headed for the waves. Soon after Joci was ready to venture out with Dad, boogie board in hand. Lila, on the other hand, has decided she is much like her mother with no desire to ride the waves. Several times I asked if she wanted to go out but was always answered with a quick "No"...just like the Capital One baby, that one.
Joci is a quick study and learned to boogie board like a champ on this first real day in the ocean. Lila, we discovered, loves the art of sand throwing and not just up in the air...at her sister's head. (She sat in "time out" quite a few times today for that.)
A little girl, bright red hair and able to claim my family if she wanted, came across my path crying and looking for her mommy. I waited a few moments to see if a woman would come to comfort before I approached this pitiful one but no one did and so, gently I asked if I could help her find her mommy and with big puppy dog eyes she agreed with a head nod. Her name was Sidney and after ten feet of walking in the direction she came, dad showed up with a smile and shouted her name. All was right again as she rushed into his arms, back to safty. Thank you Jesus!
I have found myself trying to pray a lot but the Spirit constantly is telling me, I'm covered so I sit in peace. No thoughts, no worries, no longings...very out of character for me to be quite honest but I will admit, I am loving the peace.
The girls have gone to bed without a fight and Seth is out to a movie for some down time on his day. I think I'll take advantage and read a bit more. So far, so perfect!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Day 1 of our Beach Vacation
With only three bathroom/food/gas fillup stops, we made it to our cozy beach house in seven and a half hours. It was mostly uneventful if you don't include the 15 minutes of bumper to bumper traffic on old faithful (I-20) due to a minor fender bender, oh and the constant job of breaking up a fight about who touched who first between a five and two year old.
As the ocean appeared on the horizon, us girls became giddy in love while Seth breathed a sigh of relief. "WE MADE IT!" There is nothing like seeing the smiles on young girls faces and watching firey red hair blow in the wind as the roar of the ocean breeze rolls in with every wave.
It took about an hour to unpack and get into our bathing suits before our feet were able to soak themselves in salt water. Perfect. The first touch always is, washing away the cares of this world like some powerful potion. Daddy took the oldest red out a little deep for mommy's comfort, but that's what Dad's do...promote courage in the midst of danger. Little Red and I stayed ashore and covered ourselves in sand. Already, close occupants are asking where they got their ginger tops from, confused as they take in the sights of my or my husband's blonde hair.
Hours pass and tummy's grumble. Dinner needs to be had and no grocery's have been bought so back into the car we go after cleaning the grinds of sand from our bottoms. Shopping at Wal-Mart, at the beach, is like shopping on Black Friday. People pushing and shoving, trying to get the last jar of pickles and bottle of wine. "Why don't they stock sufficiently", I wonder as I mozy through the aisles with my train of a cart. You know the one. It has a huge bench seat that attaches to the buggy that my girls INSIST we get but never ride in after five minutes into the shopping trip. Oh well. Stress, interestingly enough, does not find me in this chaos...toes in the ocean already took care of that a while ago.
So back at our home away from home I now sit. Cupboards full, belly full, feet up, relaxing and writing, gazing at the ocean from my back porch seat, missing Mack, who is on a wonderful cruise with his beautiful Mom. Time to hunt for some sea shells. Joci hasn't forgotten that I told her we would tonight and she keeps reminding me every five minutes. Back onto the plush white sand I go!
As the ocean appeared on the horizon, us girls became giddy in love while Seth breathed a sigh of relief. "WE MADE IT!" There is nothing like seeing the smiles on young girls faces and watching firey red hair blow in the wind as the roar of the ocean breeze rolls in with every wave.
It took about an hour to unpack and get into our bathing suits before our feet were able to soak themselves in salt water. Perfect. The first touch always is, washing away the cares of this world like some powerful potion. Daddy took the oldest red out a little deep for mommy's comfort, but that's what Dad's do...promote courage in the midst of danger. Little Red and I stayed ashore and covered ourselves in sand. Already, close occupants are asking where they got their ginger tops from, confused as they take in the sights of my or my husband's blonde hair.
Hours pass and tummy's grumble. Dinner needs to be had and no grocery's have been bought so back into the car we go after cleaning the grinds of sand from our bottoms. Shopping at Wal-Mart, at the beach, is like shopping on Black Friday. People pushing and shoving, trying to get the last jar of pickles and bottle of wine. "Why don't they stock sufficiently", I wonder as I mozy through the aisles with my train of a cart. You know the one. It has a huge bench seat that attaches to the buggy that my girls INSIST we get but never ride in after five minutes into the shopping trip. Oh well. Stress, interestingly enough, does not find me in this chaos...toes in the ocean already took care of that a while ago.
So back at our home away from home I now sit. Cupboards full, belly full, feet up, relaxing and writing, gazing at the ocean from my back porch seat, missing Mack, who is on a wonderful cruise with his beautiful Mom. Time to hunt for some sea shells. Joci hasn't forgotten that I told her we would tonight and she keeps reminding me every five minutes. Back onto the plush white sand I go!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
A piece of heaven
The clock struck three p.m. and out the door, I went; bag over my shoulder full of all things needed to cut hair. Two days ago, a dear friend of mine asked if I would come and cut her parents' hair. Up in age, they are unable to get out of their home, and happily I accepted the opportunity to make a house call. I have met Mr. and Mrs. Evans on one other occasion under the same circumstance; however, since then they have had to move into their other daughter's home (my friend's sister) due to the decline of their health.
As I walked into this unfamiliar place, I was greeted with open arms full of hugs. They all knew me by name. How? I assume my friend had already told them of me but I couldn't be sure. The way they said it, was as if it had been on their lips forever and within seconds, it felt like home. The walls busted at the seams with family members, all there to visit with the couple of sixty six years and to learn from the eyes that had seen much of this life. Did Mr. and Mrs. Evans know they were teaching as they sat in their seperate chairs there in the living room?; teaching of Christ's love over each generation represented that gathered around them (three in all); teaching of commitment and loyalty. I doubt they did but I am certain that as laughter filled the air with stories and jokes floating through, the family learned. I cut hair with slow gentle hands and soaked the moments in...listening, smiling, witnessing. Jesus stroking the hearts of all. Love pouring out of every syllable spoken.
When my work was finished, fresh peaches and strawberries served over warm cream cheese bunt cake was brought to everyone in the room. I sat and ate, the sweet taste on my tongue, cacooned in the romance of my Abba through this wonderful family, listening to the rain. Such peace.
Departing was just as sweet, hugging the necks of all; each whispering words of thanks in my ear. Little did they know, the pleasure was all mine. I received such a blessing being in their midst, an outsider welcomed into this piece of heaven on earth. It will be a moment in time that will remain with me always.
As I walked into this unfamiliar place, I was greeted with open arms full of hugs. They all knew me by name. How? I assume my friend had already told them of me but I couldn't be sure. The way they said it, was as if it had been on their lips forever and within seconds, it felt like home. The walls busted at the seams with family members, all there to visit with the couple of sixty six years and to learn from the eyes that had seen much of this life. Did Mr. and Mrs. Evans know they were teaching as they sat in their seperate chairs there in the living room?; teaching of Christ's love over each generation represented that gathered around them (three in all); teaching of commitment and loyalty. I doubt they did but I am certain that as laughter filled the air with stories and jokes floating through, the family learned. I cut hair with slow gentle hands and soaked the moments in...listening, smiling, witnessing. Jesus stroking the hearts of all. Love pouring out of every syllable spoken.
When my work was finished, fresh peaches and strawberries served over warm cream cheese bunt cake was brought to everyone in the room. I sat and ate, the sweet taste on my tongue, cacooned in the romance of my Abba through this wonderful family, listening to the rain. Such peace.
Departing was just as sweet, hugging the necks of all; each whispering words of thanks in my ear. Little did they know, the pleasure was all mine. I received such a blessing being in their midst, an outsider welcomed into this piece of heaven on earth. It will be a moment in time that will remain with me always.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Cute things my kids did today
This Morning:
There is a running course near my house that ventures around Lake Peachtree. I run it often with my baby girl. She has the pleasure of making my workout a little tougher by riding in her personal carriage that I must push. She is potty training, so before we start our journey, I take her into City Hall (the closest building open at that hour with a public restroom) to use their facilities to try and avoid accidents. While in there this morning, I spotted a rolly polly crawling on the very clean, not yet dirty from lots of traffic, floor. I got excited because Lila Grace has yet to see one of these creatures. "Lila, look!" I said pointing at the insect. At that moment, I poked it until it curled up into it's shell forming a ball and then I proceeded to show my sweet, beautiful little girl how uniquely the rolly polly becomes a ball when feeling threatened. "Ball?" Lila asked. "That's right, Lila. Isn't that neat?" I asked. She looked at me, then looked at the bug then yelled, "NO! SPIDER." Without warning, down her foot came with a splat, squashing the poor rolly polly. Never batting an eye, she strolled out of the bathroom with confidence, having done the public a great service. I could only laugh and shake my head. Her daddy would be proud.
This Evening:
Every Wednesday night, my family and I head to church for bible study and my children are always itching to go with excitement. This week's bible study was a very heavy lesson about the Anti-Christ. After the study, we gathered up our things and headed out into the parking lot, our spirits were a bit somber but the moon light captured all of our attention with it's bright beauty. The solom spirit left quickly and fellowship with other participants of the bible study began. Though usually desolate at this hour, it is still a parking lot and as a mother, one eye is always on my girls as they find adventure in the open space, chasing one another and giggling. Moments go by and I spot my oldest, Jocelyn, swaying as if to music, looking up to the sky. A smile begins to form on my lips as I wonder what she must be hearing. Soon after she begins to blow kisses to the sky, one after another after another. My eyebrows come down on my forehead as more curiosity forms and she catches my gaze. "What?" she asks. "Nothing, just wondering what you are doing." With a giggle and a big smile, she ever so confidently answers with, "Just loving on God, Mommy." My heart became a puddle on the ground and tears welled up in my eyes. Precious, just precious.
There is a running course near my house that ventures around Lake Peachtree. I run it often with my baby girl. She has the pleasure of making my workout a little tougher by riding in her personal carriage that I must push. She is potty training, so before we start our journey, I take her into City Hall (the closest building open at that hour with a public restroom) to use their facilities to try and avoid accidents. While in there this morning, I spotted a rolly polly crawling on the very clean, not yet dirty from lots of traffic, floor. I got excited because Lila Grace has yet to see one of these creatures. "Lila, look!" I said pointing at the insect. At that moment, I poked it until it curled up into it's shell forming a ball and then I proceeded to show my sweet, beautiful little girl how uniquely the rolly polly becomes a ball when feeling threatened. "Ball?" Lila asked. "That's right, Lila. Isn't that neat?" I asked. She looked at me, then looked at the bug then yelled, "NO! SPIDER." Without warning, down her foot came with a splat, squashing the poor rolly polly. Never batting an eye, she strolled out of the bathroom with confidence, having done the public a great service. I could only laugh and shake my head. Her daddy would be proud.
This Evening:
Every Wednesday night, my family and I head to church for bible study and my children are always itching to go with excitement. This week's bible study was a very heavy lesson about the Anti-Christ. After the study, we gathered up our things and headed out into the parking lot, our spirits were a bit somber but the moon light captured all of our attention with it's bright beauty. The solom spirit left quickly and fellowship with other participants of the bible study began. Though usually desolate at this hour, it is still a parking lot and as a mother, one eye is always on my girls as they find adventure in the open space, chasing one another and giggling. Moments go by and I spot my oldest, Jocelyn, swaying as if to music, looking up to the sky. A smile begins to form on my lips as I wonder what she must be hearing. Soon after she begins to blow kisses to the sky, one after another after another. My eyebrows come down on my forehead as more curiosity forms and she catches my gaze. "What?" she asks. "Nothing, just wondering what you are doing." With a giggle and a big smile, she ever so confidently answers with, "Just loving on God, Mommy." My heart became a puddle on the ground and tears welled up in my eyes. Precious, just precious.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
He does exist
"...But woe to the earth and the sea because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.” Revelation 12:12
Satan certainly exists in our world and his purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants to shut you down, lock you up, keep you quiet about the truth of Christ until your death and relentlessly he will try to use the woes of this world to certainly do just that. He will tell you, "You are not worthy, no one cares about you; You are unattractive, undesirable, beyond reconciliation. God let all this happen to you...." And he doesn't stop there.
Scripture says "... he [Satan, himself] masquerades as an angel of light." (2 Corinthian 11:14) So not only does he come at us with fury to destroy our confidence in Christ but he also has the ability to decieve us into thinking that what he is lying to us about is truth, is right (i.e. we have the right to treat others with crudeness and judgement because they have hurt us, are not in our circle of status, take up offenses..so on and so on), and convince us that Christ would be ok with all of it because He doesn't want us to subject ourselves to hurt...right? In Matthew 4, he used scripture to try to trip up Christ Himself and he will certainly pull that on you to try to get you to not walk in the truth.
This all sounds so defeating but here's the kicker...HE HAS ALREADY BEEN DEFEATED!!!
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you[d] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[e] Colossians 2:13-15
The powers and authorities of Satan have been disarmed by the cross! All the accusations he brings against you, all the lies he tells you, the deception, the blame, the shame, all of it has been canceled out by the blood of the lamb for those who believe. Don't give him the power he does not have. Don't let him take your testimony away from you. Don't let him steal the joy and peace that Christ died to give you. You have the power inside of you that defeated your enemy. Recall it, use it, trust it, live it and walk in peace!
because he knows that his time is short.” Revelation 12:12
Satan certainly exists in our world and his purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants to shut you down, lock you up, keep you quiet about the truth of Christ until your death and relentlessly he will try to use the woes of this world to certainly do just that. He will tell you, "You are not worthy, no one cares about you; You are unattractive, undesirable, beyond reconciliation. God let all this happen to you...." And he doesn't stop there.
Scripture says "... he [Satan, himself] masquerades as an angel of light." (2 Corinthian 11:14) So not only does he come at us with fury to destroy our confidence in Christ but he also has the ability to decieve us into thinking that what he is lying to us about is truth, is right (i.e. we have the right to treat others with crudeness and judgement because they have hurt us, are not in our circle of status, take up offenses..so on and so on), and convince us that Christ would be ok with all of it because He doesn't want us to subject ourselves to hurt...right? In Matthew 4, he used scripture to try to trip up Christ Himself and he will certainly pull that on you to try to get you to not walk in the truth.
This all sounds so defeating but here's the kicker...HE HAS ALREADY BEEN DEFEATED!!!
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you[d] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[e] Colossians 2:13-15
The powers and authorities of Satan have been disarmed by the cross! All the accusations he brings against you, all the lies he tells you, the deception, the blame, the shame, all of it has been canceled out by the blood of the lamb for those who believe. Don't give him the power he does not have. Don't let him take your testimony away from you. Don't let him steal the joy and peace that Christ died to give you. You have the power inside of you that defeated your enemy. Recall it, use it, trust it, live it and walk in peace!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Step Moms
Jocelyn, my five year old, asked me last week if her and I could go out on "a date", just her and me. Of course, I was thrilled at the suggestion and began to make arrangements in our schedule to accomendate. A fairy tale movie adventure pricked our hearts, thus leading us to the theater on this Saturday evening to escape into Mirror, Mirror, a twist on Grimms telling of Snow White.
It went as many a fairy tale goes; a princess taken hostage by her evil step mother due to the death of both mother and father later to be rescued by the handsome, brave, valient prince. It was a thrilling and humorous tale and enjoyed greatly by my daughter and myself...but it left me wondering, "Why are step mothers always depicted as "evil". "
I have the great privilage of being a step mother and have sought the Lord earnestly on how best to be in this role. Some say that being a mom is the hardest job given to a woman but I will honestly admit that being a step mom is even harder. You are handed this precious child to love and cherish as your own (a thing that takes lots of prayer and petition), knowing that in return, you will never quite receive that same amount of love in return, and rightfully so. [May I just add here that I also have the privilage of a great friendship with Mack's mom. She is an amazing woman and mother and I am very honored that she finds me worthy to help raise her son.] He or she will always love their own mother much more than you. If in a crowded room, with their mom on one side and you on the other, without your spouse (the child's other biological parent), the child will always go to the one who gave birth to him, first. It is a very tough postition but when he does choose to catch your eye with a smile and wave, it is a heart melting thing.
While it is the toughest job in my life, I absolutely love it and I'll admit, Mack is one of a kind and the son I've always dreamed of. I hate the word "step" and rarely use it when speaking of my relation with Mack. The Lord has taught me so much through and because of him and I wouldn't change what we are for anything in the world. It took some time but our relationship with one another has flourished into something very beautiful and I fail to see myself as the "evil step mother" through his eyes. He readily hugs on me and tells me he loves me on a daily basis. My prayer is that he always will.
So, I write for all the step parents, who have sought for a healthy relationship with their step children and say, "May the Lord bless your selflessness. You are noticed and appreciated for all your efforts and not the "evil one" the movies, and sometimes society, think you are." No, it is not the ideal situation for child or parent but with God's help, it can be used for His good and glory.
Thank you Mack and Kim, for making my position much easier than most have ability to say. Our story is one that SHOULD be in the fairy tale books.
It went as many a fairy tale goes; a princess taken hostage by her evil step mother due to the death of both mother and father later to be rescued by the handsome, brave, valient prince. It was a thrilling and humorous tale and enjoyed greatly by my daughter and myself...but it left me wondering, "Why are step mothers always depicted as "evil". "
I have the great privilage of being a step mother and have sought the Lord earnestly on how best to be in this role. Some say that being a mom is the hardest job given to a woman but I will honestly admit that being a step mom is even harder. You are handed this precious child to love and cherish as your own (a thing that takes lots of prayer and petition), knowing that in return, you will never quite receive that same amount of love in return, and rightfully so. [May I just add here that I also have the privilage of a great friendship with Mack's mom. She is an amazing woman and mother and I am very honored that she finds me worthy to help raise her son.] He or she will always love their own mother much more than you. If in a crowded room, with their mom on one side and you on the other, without your spouse (the child's other biological parent), the child will always go to the one who gave birth to him, first. It is a very tough postition but when he does choose to catch your eye with a smile and wave, it is a heart melting thing.
While it is the toughest job in my life, I absolutely love it and I'll admit, Mack is one of a kind and the son I've always dreamed of. I hate the word "step" and rarely use it when speaking of my relation with Mack. The Lord has taught me so much through and because of him and I wouldn't change what we are for anything in the world. It took some time but our relationship with one another has flourished into something very beautiful and I fail to see myself as the "evil step mother" through his eyes. He readily hugs on me and tells me he loves me on a daily basis. My prayer is that he always will.
So, I write for all the step parents, who have sought for a healthy relationship with their step children and say, "May the Lord bless your selflessness. You are noticed and appreciated for all your efforts and not the "evil one" the movies, and sometimes society, think you are." No, it is not the ideal situation for child or parent but with God's help, it can be used for His good and glory.
Thank you Mack and Kim, for making my position much easier than most have ability to say. Our story is one that SHOULD be in the fairy tale books.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Come!
Imagine with me...
The Throne Room of God:
In the center of this place is a throne and seated upon it is One with the appeareance that can only be discribed as radiant, brilliant fire of jasper and ruby. A rainbow of emerald encircles this Throne and surrounding it are twenty-four other thrones seated with twenty-four elders. The elders are dressed in white and have golden crowns upon their heads. From the Throne come flashes of lightening and rumbling thunder. Between the Throne and the elders are four living creatures; one like that of a lion, the second like that of an ox, the third like that of a man and the fourth like that of an eagle. Each have six wings covered in eyes. Day and night, they never stop saying, "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord, God, Almighty, who was, who is, who is to come." Before the Throne, seven lamps blaze with the fire of God's spirits. A sea, like a sheet of glass, clear as crystal stretches out before these seven lamps.
Power! Great Power, there is no question!
Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
We are invited to this place...this amazing, powerful, beautiful place, and approach the throne of God. What is it that you petition/desire most in prayer? Imagine that you hold this petition in your hand. Imagine that you are ushered into this throne room. Imagine seeing the brilliance, hearing the words of the living creatures being chanted, and the One who sits on the throne motions to you to come before Him. Your legs give way and you fall prostrate onto the sapphire floor. With the voice of rushing waters, he says to you, "Son of Man, stand up..." The Spirit comes into you and raises you to your feet. "What is it that you bring?" He asks. You almost forgot why you were here, wrapped up in all this glory, but He hasn't. Looking down, you remember what it was that you desire the most to gain or release is still in your hand, waiting to be handed over to the Almighty. Satan has no power here so the thoughts of, "This is stupid. He doesn't care about this. You can handle this on your own." are no longer ringing loud in your ear and all you can do, with confidence is give Him your petition. With grace and mercy, His gentle hand takes it and with Him, His will, will be done with what you have asked. With Him, it will be protected and with Him, it is now HIS, not yours. Do you really want to take it back out of His hands? His is powerful enough to keep it and do with it what is best for you.
This place is something we can only hardly imagine and visit only in Spirit during this life but is very real and waiting on you. I think we often forget that this is where we are when we go to Him but let us now be reminded of the Throne room and trust in His power.
Lord, give us this confidence to come before you, releasing our petitions and trusting you to do with them what your will is, not ours.
The Throne Room of God:
In the center of this place is a throne and seated upon it is One with the appeareance that can only be discribed as radiant, brilliant fire of jasper and ruby. A rainbow of emerald encircles this Throne and surrounding it are twenty-four other thrones seated with twenty-four elders. The elders are dressed in white and have golden crowns upon their heads. From the Throne come flashes of lightening and rumbling thunder. Between the Throne and the elders are four living creatures; one like that of a lion, the second like that of an ox, the third like that of a man and the fourth like that of an eagle. Each have six wings covered in eyes. Day and night, they never stop saying, "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord, God, Almighty, who was, who is, who is to come." Before the Throne, seven lamps blaze with the fire of God's spirits. A sea, like a sheet of glass, clear as crystal stretches out before these seven lamps.
Power! Great Power, there is no question!
Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
We are invited to this place...this amazing, powerful, beautiful place, and approach the throne of God. What is it that you petition/desire most in prayer? Imagine that you hold this petition in your hand. Imagine that you are ushered into this throne room. Imagine seeing the brilliance, hearing the words of the living creatures being chanted, and the One who sits on the throne motions to you to come before Him. Your legs give way and you fall prostrate onto the sapphire floor. With the voice of rushing waters, he says to you, "Son of Man, stand up..." The Spirit comes into you and raises you to your feet. "What is it that you bring?" He asks. You almost forgot why you were here, wrapped up in all this glory, but He hasn't. Looking down, you remember what it was that you desire the most to gain or release is still in your hand, waiting to be handed over to the Almighty. Satan has no power here so the thoughts of, "This is stupid. He doesn't care about this. You can handle this on your own." are no longer ringing loud in your ear and all you can do, with confidence is give Him your petition. With grace and mercy, His gentle hand takes it and with Him, His will, will be done with what you have asked. With Him, it will be protected and with Him, it is now HIS, not yours. Do you really want to take it back out of His hands? His is powerful enough to keep it and do with it what is best for you.
This place is something we can only hardly imagine and visit only in Spirit during this life but is very real and waiting on you. I think we often forget that this is where we are when we go to Him but let us now be reminded of the Throne room and trust in His power.
Lord, give us this confidence to come before you, releasing our petitions and trusting you to do with them what your will is, not ours.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
HE IS WORTHY!
"Then I saw a Lamb, looking has if it had been slain, standing in the center before the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. The Lamb had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. He went and TOOK the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and twenty four elders fell down before the Lamb."
The scene described in Revelations is that of the Throne room of God. Holding out His hand, with the scroll sealed with seven seals in it, God asks, "Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?" All of heaven and earth and under the earth remain quiet and sumber for no one among them is worthy of such a task. BUT THEN, the Lamb looking as if slain, covered in blood, TAKES it from His Father's hand for He is worthy. We can not be sure what this scroll is but many have suspected that it holds the deed to the earth, that it is not just meant to be read but upon it's opening will begin the end of what is now.
The Lamb came forth, worthy to take the deed to the earth and open up the events to allow Him to take his place as ruler over this earth. How much more worthy is he to take from our hand what we hold so tight to? How much more worthy is he to release us from what has it's grips around us? I tend to put God in my little box and only give him enough of me to suit my needs and keep to myself what I want. I pick and choose what I think He is worthy enough to take but I AM WRONG!!! He is so worthy of it ALL. He can handle it ALL. I just have to unclentch my selfish hand and let Him have it. Yes, selfish...you may be thinking, "Why on earth would anyone want to keep sin, affliction, pain, hurt, brokeness???" But we do, I do. I do it thinking I am protecting myself from something worse, thinking I won't be complete if I let it go but the truth is the only thing that can fullfill me, that can fullfill you is Christ and in order to fill that void, we must first let go of that thing that is trying to fill our emptiness. We are created to be God Centered so we will remain empty if we remain self centered.
WORTHY IS THE LAMB WHO SITS ON THE THRONE! Amen!
The scene described in Revelations is that of the Throne room of God. Holding out His hand, with the scroll sealed with seven seals in it, God asks, "Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?" All of heaven and earth and under the earth remain quiet and sumber for no one among them is worthy of such a task. BUT THEN, the Lamb looking as if slain, covered in blood, TAKES it from His Father's hand for He is worthy. We can not be sure what this scroll is but many have suspected that it holds the deed to the earth, that it is not just meant to be read but upon it's opening will begin the end of what is now.
The Lamb came forth, worthy to take the deed to the earth and open up the events to allow Him to take his place as ruler over this earth. How much more worthy is he to take from our hand what we hold so tight to? How much more worthy is he to release us from what has it's grips around us? I tend to put God in my little box and only give him enough of me to suit my needs and keep to myself what I want. I pick and choose what I think He is worthy enough to take but I AM WRONG!!! He is so worthy of it ALL. He can handle it ALL. I just have to unclentch my selfish hand and let Him have it. Yes, selfish...you may be thinking, "Why on earth would anyone want to keep sin, affliction, pain, hurt, brokeness???" But we do, I do. I do it thinking I am protecting myself from something worse, thinking I won't be complete if I let it go but the truth is the only thing that can fullfill me, that can fullfill you is Christ and in order to fill that void, we must first let go of that thing that is trying to fill our emptiness. We are created to be God Centered so we will remain empty if we remain self centered.
WORTHY IS THE LAMB WHO SITS ON THE THRONE! Amen!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Beauty from Ashes
My face, covered in ash
In mourning my spirit fell
Darkness blinded thine sight
Sack cloth clothed this shell
My name, no more I knew
Lost in the shadow of sorrow
In pieces, my heart shattered
My hope feared the morrow
You came with a subtle whisper
A fierce, yet gentle hand
Curled yourself up beside
Me, who was drowning on dry land
Securely, you tucked me away
Underneath your spotless cloak
Wooing me with your truth
So lovingly, in my ear, you spoke
Patiently, You cared for me
Teaching me how to forgive
Showing me how to love
Making new, a life to live
Into the light, you brought me
Like a bride in the arms of her groom
Rescuing me from the enemy
From all despair and gloom
Wiping my face, You spoke
"Dark yet Lovely are you"
"Beauty from ashes my daughter"
"My Joy, you have been made new"
Isaiah 61:3 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.
In mourning my spirit fell
Darkness blinded thine sight
Sack cloth clothed this shell
My name, no more I knew
Lost in the shadow of sorrow
In pieces, my heart shattered
My hope feared the morrow
You came with a subtle whisper
A fierce, yet gentle hand
Curled yourself up beside
Me, who was drowning on dry land
Securely, you tucked me away
Underneath your spotless cloak
Wooing me with your truth
So lovingly, in my ear, you spoke
Patiently, You cared for me
Teaching me how to forgive
Showing me how to love
Making new, a life to live
Into the light, you brought me
Like a bride in the arms of her groom
Rescuing me from the enemy
From all despair and gloom
Wiping my face, You spoke
"Dark yet Lovely are you"
"Beauty from ashes my daughter"
"My Joy, you have been made new"
Isaiah 61:3 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
It's Lent...God is on the move
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13: 34-35
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6: 14-15
My heart grows anxious as I sit to write, for I know what I must do. These words that Christ spoke have been ringing strong since Ash Wednesday and I didn't quite understand why until this morning as I sat in church listening to my Priest preach on these very things. As the opening went with the reading of the second scripture, I honestly thought to myself, "There is not one that I need to forgive. I have laid to rest all my burdens, transgressers, and hurts at the foot of the cross and all is well with my soul." Then, out of no where, I heard a loud voice, HIS voice say the names of people that I honestly have never met before but only knew of, by the part they had played in the wretched betrayal shown against me. Tears uncontrollable flowed. "This will be the last cup you must drink." my Abba assured. "After this, it will be done."
Why the strong emotion? Why could I not stop the tears? The Lord has helped me forgive so much already and I am more than willing to walk through this for I know his grace and mercy. I have felt his love and guidance. I have been granted the peace that passes all understanding by his hand so why? The answer; in all honesty, I thought I was done but deep down inside I knew that I wasn't yet never understand why. There was always that something that wasn't quite gone, that made me twinge ever so subtly, that something that I thought I would just live with forever as a thorn in my flesh to keep me humble...but today! Today, my Jesus said, "NO! This too will end." My God, my Abba, answered my prayer and my tears were that of joy and thankfulness. I know I can do this with HIS help, by continuing to walk in faith knowing that He has my best interest at heart. I can forgive as He has forgiven, I can love as he has loved, and I can walk in freedom with Him, because of Him, forever.
THANKS BE TO GOD!!!
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6: 14-15
My heart grows anxious as I sit to write, for I know what I must do. These words that Christ spoke have been ringing strong since Ash Wednesday and I didn't quite understand why until this morning as I sat in church listening to my Priest preach on these very things. As the opening went with the reading of the second scripture, I honestly thought to myself, "There is not one that I need to forgive. I have laid to rest all my burdens, transgressers, and hurts at the foot of the cross and all is well with my soul." Then, out of no where, I heard a loud voice, HIS voice say the names of people that I honestly have never met before but only knew of, by the part they had played in the wretched betrayal shown against me. Tears uncontrollable flowed. "This will be the last cup you must drink." my Abba assured. "After this, it will be done."
Why the strong emotion? Why could I not stop the tears? The Lord has helped me forgive so much already and I am more than willing to walk through this for I know his grace and mercy. I have felt his love and guidance. I have been granted the peace that passes all understanding by his hand so why? The answer; in all honesty, I thought I was done but deep down inside I knew that I wasn't yet never understand why. There was always that something that wasn't quite gone, that made me twinge ever so subtly, that something that I thought I would just live with forever as a thorn in my flesh to keep me humble...but today! Today, my Jesus said, "NO! This too will end." My God, my Abba, answered my prayer and my tears were that of joy and thankfulness. I know I can do this with HIS help, by continuing to walk in faith knowing that He has my best interest at heart. I can forgive as He has forgiven, I can love as he has loved, and I can walk in freedom with Him, because of Him, forever.
THANKS BE TO GOD!!!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Leaving the Darkness
To say "I grew comfortable with living in the dark", is an understatment. I learned to thrive in the dark. The Lord changed who I was while I was in darkness, and changed my name there. He met me in the depths of the shadows and gave me visions, answers, love, tenderness, dicipline, and direction. When I lost all hope and trust, he took me to the desert and woed me. He stripped me of all I had and asked me to place it all in Him. He waited and pursued and waited some more. It became quite the love story and when I was ready, I let Him rescue me and like a bride in her lovers arms, He carried me over the threshold into our new home but I couldn't settle in. I grew anxious, and like Gomer, I walked away and back into the darkness. I was scared; scared of being hurt; scared to walk in faith and truth; scared to trust and hope and He would show up again, in the depths of the shawdows, with arms open asking me to come back home. Our Lord is faithful and patient (thankfully) and back home I came.
Stepping onto the ground of complete healing and total restoration, for me, was like stepping off of a boat that had been at sea for two years and onto dry land. My sea legs had to adjust and like stepping out of a dark room and into the sun, my eyes had to adjust as well. I had to trust in all that the Lord had told me while I was away and put my faith into practice here in this new place. The move has not been as easy as one would think. I had hoped that I would gladly accept and quickly take comfort in the warmth of the light and that I was more than ready to make my new home here but seeing my new reflection has been strange and yet one of beauty; one that I am ready to accept. I have tasted the bitterness of betrayal and been washed clean of it's stains by HIS blood. There is not a day that goes by that I am not humbled by what He has done for me. He found me worthy of rescuing and the rocks will not have to cry out on my behalf, for I will praise His name forever.
This season of darkness has ended, and I can honestly say now, that I am ready. Thank you Jesus, I am ready.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
Stepping onto the ground of complete healing and total restoration, for me, was like stepping off of a boat that had been at sea for two years and onto dry land. My sea legs had to adjust and like stepping out of a dark room and into the sun, my eyes had to adjust as well. I had to trust in all that the Lord had told me while I was away and put my faith into practice here in this new place. The move has not been as easy as one would think. I had hoped that I would gladly accept and quickly take comfort in the warmth of the light and that I was more than ready to make my new home here but seeing my new reflection has been strange and yet one of beauty; one that I am ready to accept. I have tasted the bitterness of betrayal and been washed clean of it's stains by HIS blood. There is not a day that goes by that I am not humbled by what He has done for me. He found me worthy of rescuing and the rocks will not have to cry out on my behalf, for I will praise His name forever.
This season of darkness has ended, and I can honestly say now, that I am ready. Thank you Jesus, I am ready.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Is God Personally Invested?
There's a YouTube video traveling around the internet that made me stop and think. It starts out with a middle aged man in a hurry to get to work. As he backs out of his driveway, he almost runs over his neighbor's kid, stuck in traffic, he annoyingly mumbles accusations towards other drivers, he gets irritated with the people at the coffee shop who are taking their time to get his order...you get the idea. So he sits down at a table to wait on his coffee when a man comes over, hands him a pair of glasses and walks away. Confused the gentlemen puts on the glasses and can suddenly see all the afflictions and feelings of those around him. The woman sitting on the couch is moarning the loss of her friend, the man in the corner is struggling with addiction, one of the coffee house employees is stressing about how to feed his family on such little pay and so on. By the end of the video, the man has realized that he was so focused on himself and staying to himself that the ones around him feel abandoned and alone; and possibly he too feels that way but no one has ever stopped to ask how he was doing nor has he taken the time to do that for another.
Just recently, while talking with a friend, he spoke words that hit pretty hard. He said, "I know there is a God, and I believe in Jesus Christ but I just don't think he is personally invested in me. I don't think he really cares about me personally." It was heart breaking to hear but it made me question too, "Does God care about me?" After some prayer, God gave me this answer to give to my friend and also set the record straight with me. These were the Lord's words to me. "Those times when your heart breaks over another, those times when you have a longing to reach across the aisle and give a stranger a hug, those times you just have a desire to call a friend and talk...those are my feelings. Those desires are my desires. It is me inside of you that is hurting because someone's heart has been broken; it is me that wants to give one of my children a hug; it is me that just wants to talk to the friend you call to check in on. All of those feelings inside of you have been placed there by me so that my children will know that I am a God that is personally invested." WOW!!!
There was a saying told to me when I was child that is being brought to my mind now as I write, it goes, "You may be the only Christ some one will ever see or meet." We are so often stopped by the enemy with fear or insecurites to reach out to others that we just close ourselves off from the world and we end up missing so many opportunities to be Christ to others or even have Christ's love shown to us. Satan tells us that we are safer in our little boxes, away from getting hurt, or judged but by believing his lies, we are actually just driving the nails in our own coffin unable to feel anything...even love. God created us to be in relationships, to long for relationships, to long to be in a relationship with Him and sometimes the only way we know He actually loves us is to hear it from someone tangible. Be that someone. Show His love so that others may know just how personally invested He actually is, because he really is. He really does know who you are; nothing you do escapes his sight; he loves you more than you can even fathom; when you are hurting, he is hurting; when you are overjoyed, he too, is overjoyed; and when you long to reach out and love on another, he is longing to do that as well.
Our God is real. He is invested and He cares.
Just recently, while talking with a friend, he spoke words that hit pretty hard. He said, "I know there is a God, and I believe in Jesus Christ but I just don't think he is personally invested in me. I don't think he really cares about me personally." It was heart breaking to hear but it made me question too, "Does God care about me?" After some prayer, God gave me this answer to give to my friend and also set the record straight with me. These were the Lord's words to me. "Those times when your heart breaks over another, those times when you have a longing to reach across the aisle and give a stranger a hug, those times you just have a desire to call a friend and talk...those are my feelings. Those desires are my desires. It is me inside of you that is hurting because someone's heart has been broken; it is me that wants to give one of my children a hug; it is me that just wants to talk to the friend you call to check in on. All of those feelings inside of you have been placed there by me so that my children will know that I am a God that is personally invested." WOW!!!
There was a saying told to me when I was child that is being brought to my mind now as I write, it goes, "You may be the only Christ some one will ever see or meet." We are so often stopped by the enemy with fear or insecurites to reach out to others that we just close ourselves off from the world and we end up missing so many opportunities to be Christ to others or even have Christ's love shown to us. Satan tells us that we are safer in our little boxes, away from getting hurt, or judged but by believing his lies, we are actually just driving the nails in our own coffin unable to feel anything...even love. God created us to be in relationships, to long for relationships, to long to be in a relationship with Him and sometimes the only way we know He actually loves us is to hear it from someone tangible. Be that someone. Show His love so that others may know just how personally invested He actually is, because he really is. He really does know who you are; nothing you do escapes his sight; he loves you more than you can even fathom; when you are hurting, he is hurting; when you are overjoyed, he too, is overjoyed; and when you long to reach out and love on another, he is longing to do that as well.
Our God is real. He is invested and He cares.
Monday, January 2, 2012
It's good to be hated
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." John 15:18-19
When I read these words that Jesus spoke, I tend to think it only pertains to those fellow Christians that have to meet underground for worship and study or the ones who wrote symbols in the sand to identify one another so as to not be found out and possibly brought to death; the ones who live in dangerous countries where there is no freedom of religion and Christianity is illegal. The "world" they live in surely hates them but I never experienced that in my own life...until I opened my eyes a little wider.
All around me, if I step outside my safety circle of likeminded Christian friends (and I say likeminded because even some Christians I know disagree with some of Christ's teachings if it doesn't suit them) I am being tested in my faith by a world that hates me. I don't know about you, but I don't like being hated. And even I, at times, hate doing the very thing I so strongly believe in because I'd rather be angry with my husband who hasn't done _______ (you feel in the blank) and while I am at it, let's throw the kitchen sink into that argument too or curse the man who decided to cut me off at an intersection. I don't want to act like Christ in those moments, do you?
I realize that the "world" isn't just those around us who continue to push us so hard that we honestly have to fight to show the characterics of Christ, but it's also our flesh that happens to hate the very thing that Christ is doing to our hearts and the Christ within us hates what our flesh desires and sometimes does. I believe this is why we so refreshingly recall Paul's words from Romans when he says "For what I want to do, I do not do but what I hate, I do..." It comforts us to know that we aren't the only ones who struggle with this dark war that rages in hidden places and sometimes, not so hidden.
The world will hate us, because it first hated Christ. Take heart! When we are bumped up against by another who challenges our faith and/or the actions that come from our faith or just pecks at us constantly to see if we will eventually stumble, know that Christ himself faced the very same thing. For example, when Peter told Christ he couldn't let him be crucified, Jesus had the discernment to say to his friend, "Get thee behind me Satan." He knew what his actions had to be because of his love for the Father even when his friend hated the idea. And though it is no fun at all being hated, know that it is Satan in the world that hates you and count it all joy because your creator, the one who finds you worthy, loves you more than you can fathom. Carry His name with pride. You are His chosen one! Hate may be a strong word but in this instance...It's good to be hated.
When I read these words that Jesus spoke, I tend to think it only pertains to those fellow Christians that have to meet underground for worship and study or the ones who wrote symbols in the sand to identify one another so as to not be found out and possibly brought to death; the ones who live in dangerous countries where there is no freedom of religion and Christianity is illegal. The "world" they live in surely hates them but I never experienced that in my own life...until I opened my eyes a little wider.
All around me, if I step outside my safety circle of likeminded Christian friends (and I say likeminded because even some Christians I know disagree with some of Christ's teachings if it doesn't suit them) I am being tested in my faith by a world that hates me. I don't know about you, but I don't like being hated. And even I, at times, hate doing the very thing I so strongly believe in because I'd rather be angry with my husband who hasn't done _______ (you feel in the blank) and while I am at it, let's throw the kitchen sink into that argument too or curse the man who decided to cut me off at an intersection. I don't want to act like Christ in those moments, do you?
I realize that the "world" isn't just those around us who continue to push us so hard that we honestly have to fight to show the characterics of Christ, but it's also our flesh that happens to hate the very thing that Christ is doing to our hearts and the Christ within us hates what our flesh desires and sometimes does. I believe this is why we so refreshingly recall Paul's words from Romans when he says "For what I want to do, I do not do but what I hate, I do..." It comforts us to know that we aren't the only ones who struggle with this dark war that rages in hidden places and sometimes, not so hidden.
The world will hate us, because it first hated Christ. Take heart! When we are bumped up against by another who challenges our faith and/or the actions that come from our faith or just pecks at us constantly to see if we will eventually stumble, know that Christ himself faced the very same thing. For example, when Peter told Christ he couldn't let him be crucified, Jesus had the discernment to say to his friend, "Get thee behind me Satan." He knew what his actions had to be because of his love for the Father even when his friend hated the idea. And though it is no fun at all being hated, know that it is Satan in the world that hates you and count it all joy because your creator, the one who finds you worthy, loves you more than you can fathom. Carry His name with pride. You are His chosen one! Hate may be a strong word but in this instance...It's good to be hated.
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