Scars

I laid in bed the other night pondering scars.  Why do we heal from our physical wounds yet keep a reminder of our trauma?  Is this part of the fall/ sin?  Quite possibly.  Christ kept his scars to prove to the one who doubted that he was truly who he said he was.  Without them, Thomas would have never believed.  Scars seem to carry some significance.  My thoughts went further still and I found myself examining scars of the heart.  These normally are in the form of memories.  Why do we keep them?  Why is it when we heal from these wounds do the memories not fade.  Yes, they become less painful and easier to talk about but we can recall them perfectly.  They also seem to always carry  defining moments in our lives.  Again, they are significant.  I have come to realize the things I have gone through, am going through, will continue to go through is very significant to my Abba.  He, too, has felt every slash, gash, stab, and nick on my heart.  I think He has not given me the ability to forget these things not because he wants me to remember the pain but to remind me of his love that got me through those times.  Just as Christ kept his scars not to remind Thomas (and me for that matter) of the pain he went through but to show him what he went through because he loved us.   I have loathed the way my scars looked for a long time (once I  finally come to a place where they felt healed) but now I am beginning to appreciate their worth.  Before receiving the wounds that caused these scars, my relationship with the Lord was strong but a bit shallow.  My faith was there but had never been tested and my ability to share and relate with others was null.  The truth about scars is that it shows healing has taken place so having them is actually a good thing.  Christ's scars carry our healing.  These marks show that I have allowed healing to take place, that I  have allowed my Abba to wipe away the pain and leave His love behind and that I have allowed the scar tissue to build a band of resistance against my enemy.  My scars are beautiful and I am learning to embrace them.

My Mountain Part II

Up to this point the Lord was continually filling me with His wisdom, not just on how to best navigate this mountain but in my life in general.  All too often, I worry about how I am going to get to my destination and in doing so I get tripped up on the hurdles and miss out on the beauty that is right in front of me.  Instead of relying on Him for guidance, I take control, get impatient, and try to rush to the finish.  The many scriptures that say, "In His timing" still aggravate me at times because when I am ready to be done, I ready to be done NOW!  The truth is, God's timing is not at all how we measure time.  He is, was, and always will be.  So when I am walking through a trial or learning something new that He has for me, it is to carry me through things ALWAYS, not just through this, this thing right now that I am facing.  He, possible, sees it as preparing me for what is to come.  When I have a victory or discovery or feel something revolutionary, it could be because of something that will come into play.  Make sense?  For example, I wrote this thing about Seth right before we got married.  It was about him being surrounded by a city in ruins.  The city represented his life but by the end of the day, he realized that the ground he had fallen to his knees on was the foundation in which he had built his life upon.  The foundation being Christ and Christ brought him back to his feet, protected his family and would rebuild the city the way He had intended.  After writing it, I was so overwhelmed with emotion and felt as if I had stumbled upon an insight into my husband.  Little did I know that it would be five years later that this "writing" would actually take place.  God knew!  He prepared me for it without my realizing.  He is, He was, and Always will be.

Back to my journey... Almost to the top, we could hear the wind whirling from all sides, as if it were spinning around the mountain like a cyclone.  Peeking our interest, my gaze went to the clouds.  They were motionless but just at that moment, my hair brushed across my face which was being warmed by the sun and breathlessly I sighed, "My Lord, such beauty you have created."  With that He replied, "You are the beauty, my beloved."  My hearted melted in a puddle on the ground and my vision blurred with tears.  How could the one who created all this look upon my dirty face and see beauty?  I was so humbled.  I gathered my composure and we finished our way to the top which over looked the frozen lake below and again I was in awe.  It was almost too much to absorb.  The wind quieted down and I turned to my friend after what seemed like an eternity of just staring at this heavenly place and said, "Before we leave, let's read some scripture."  Almost immediately, with her reading the first words, the wind whipped up again, from all around, engulfing us in every direction and again, I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears flowed.  It felt like God, in all His power, was breathing down on us as we read His word.  And with the last word read, the wind died down once more.  "Let's pray." I said.  And again, as I started glorifying His name in prayer, His breath was upon us.  It was the most amazing experience and my words can not possible bring it justice.  I know that the Lord is "not in the wind" but I truly believe He was showing us His gentle power through it.

That weekend was life changing and will never be forgotten.  God taught me so much and tough I may stumble over the lessons He gave me during that time, I pray I will be able to always go back to them and be pleasing to His sight.

I love you Abba!  Thank you for being so amazing.

My Mountain

Several months ago, the Lord asked me to get away, away from the noise of my everyday life, and focus on Him.  The pieces fell into to place and I headed up to the mountains of north Georgia.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  I was nervous, scared and very excited.  Unsure of my directions, a dear friend led the way to my destination and embarked in the journey along side me, which I was very grateful for but also remained conscious that this was not to be a girl's weekend but a time to get refocused.  My friend was very aware of the situation and promised to stay in prayer with me.

Close to the house I would be staying in was a trail that led up to the top of a mountain.  We strapped on our backpack full of water, jackets, gloves, hats and started our two mile ascend towards the top.  The energy was high, anticipation great, and scenery beautiful.  It had just recently snowed.  The mountain side was covered in white, the trees glistened of crystal in the sunlight and the path sparkled with ice.  It felt dangerous which enthralled my interest on how this adventure would go but it did not cause me to relent but instead, pushed me forward.  Engulfed with the sounds of trickling water from the melting snow and the whipping of the wind, my thoughts fell silent as I soaked in the glory of this place.  Quickly on, the path brought us to a creek with an unclear way of how to get across.  I began to feel panic rise as I searched to the safest rout.  Then He spoke, "I will make your path clear and your steps sturdy.  Just trust me."  Almost immediately my eyes spotted to jutting stones that drew a line straight across.  FRrrEeeAKY!!  "Ok Lord, I'm hearing you."  On, we climbed and the beauty became all consuming.  I couldn't wait to see what was coming next thus causing me, several times, to stumble on the rocky ground beneath me.  Again, His soothing voice came, "Anxiously you look too far ahead causing you to miss the beauty right in front of you and trip up on the obstacles.  Focus on what is right here, Me.  You will reach what the future holds soon enough."

To be continued...