I'm only on day two of this giving up fear thing and I am failing miserably. It is exactly like Paul said in Romans 7:19 "I do not do the good thing I want to do, but I do the wrong thing that I do not want to do." Here I am trying to do what I want to do, which is fear not and trust that the Lord is who he says he is and allow him to take control but I am fighting it so much and I have no idea why. I know, in my heart, that God will take care of me, just as he always has but it's almost like an involuntary reaction to protect myself and I don't know how to give it up...to not react. It's like trying not to blink. WHY IS IT SO HARD? I just want to be pleasing to God but the truth is, I suck at it. I am like a scared child, "But Abba, what if I get hurt?, What if they are mean to me? What if I try doing what is right but end up hurting them?" And what would His response be? "Fear not, for I am the Lord your God." So I'm just suppose to throw caution to the wind, close my eyes, and walk on the water, huh? Oh Peter, you were much more brave than many give you credit for. I certainly pray for a moment of the moment that you had doing exactly what our Lord asks of us.
"Just do it, Joy!" He says, "Go, get out of the boat, and if you begin to sink, get hurt, get scared, freak out, I will rescue you. I will take your fear. You do not have to hold onto it because I want to."
"But how will I know you will save me Lord?" I ask.
"Because I always have. I've gotten you this far and if you let me, I will take you even farther."
*sigh* Ok, here I go again. I am laying down my fear. Please help me Lord, please!
I love you! You are the bravest woman I know. God bless you with strength and peace, my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI think this is why Lent is so long, because the things we need to shed are so entwined with our souls. It's a lifelong struggle, but 40 days of consciously making the right choice gives us a jump start. Don't despair, dear one. (God's) perfect love casts out fear. You'll spend the rest of your life learning that. I know I still am.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a daily surrender. Daily giving up fear, freak outs, life..."take up your cross and follow me" just like this statement is a daily surrender. You daily surrender yourself, your cross to HIM.
ReplyDeleteI will never forget your statement to me before surgery, I will tell it to you again, "Let Him be strong enough for you both! Because He IS STRONG ENOUGH FOR YOU BOTH"
You are an amazing woman, Joy, and I look up to you in so many ways!
You are perfect, blameless, holy, beautiful, scotch free in HIS EYES! He doesn't see you with any marks. Because HE MADE YOU!
I love you and am posting a song on your facebook for you to listen to!
Joy,
ReplyDeleteYour openness, honesty and vulnerability sets the bar high for all of us. I am so impressed by your willingness to share and by your willingness to let God work in your life.
Love you!
PS: In case you need confirmation, you've got a book here. And I'm a ghostwriter. :)