Removing the Replay

"You can go through something once or you can hit the replay button and go through it a thousand times in your mind."

This beautiful piece of knowledge was handed over to me last Saturday and it has taken my heart hostage.  The mind is a powerful thing and I have a disturbing ability to replay a situation over and over in my head until it is all consuming, overwhelming, unbearable and overpowering.  It wraps it's vines around me, pulling me into the depths of darkness, and tells me that I have no way out.  I envision the scene from The Princess Bride where The Dread Pirate Roberts, aka Westley, and Buttercup are swallowed up by the quick sand of The Thieves Forest.  For a good 30 seconds the characters disappear and you are certain all hope is lost for them.  In the midst of the entanglement, when I am uncontrollably hitting the replay button, I certainly feel as if all hope is lost.  Glory be to God, it is not!  The following scene in the movie shows  Westley, in his despair but urge to survive, find something to grab hold to and pulls him and his love back to the surface.  That for us, my dear bothers and sisters, is our Savior.  Without fail, He will pull us back to the surface with a full on rescue.

After having my "AH-HaH" moment, I realized I am doing this to myself and for what?  Why?  I do not have to go through this worry and agony so why do I chose to do this to myself?    I am the one who has control over whether or not I allow a situation to drive me insane or give it over to God, allowing His will to be done as I so often pray.  Why do I chose to stay locked in the tower when I could be the rescued princess?  My answer, again...  FEAR!  Yes, here again, even after 36 days of practice, I still succumb to the fear that my prince will not show up for me.  I hold my Abba accountable for the actions of others.  I place those failures and disappointments on Him and believe that it was He who did not pull through when it was not Him at all.  He is asking me to remove the replay, die to myself, trust in Him and as always He will prove that He is, will, and always has pulled through.  Once I do this, I am able to sit in awe of the way he works.  I am able to see that everything will truly be ok and not miss out on his majesty.

Thank you my Lord for all the amazing things you are doing.  Thank you for allowing me to see your works and thank you for constantly refining me.  I love you!