I missed the "Grace Boat"

In the warm summer breeze, I sat in a chair under our carport and watched my children play in the yard.  The grill blazed beside me waiting for rather large steaks to be thrown upon it's flames (which is always exciting for a grill and for a family that rarely eats good steak).  A part from all this excitement, it also seemed to be the perfect time to crack open the book I had been itching to read and before I knew it, I was 40 pages in with tears streaming down my face.  It's as if this book was taylor made just for me which is ironic because it's called The Fitting Room.  It's basis comes from Col. 3:12 which tells us to "clothe" ourselves in classic Christian virtues such as peace, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, humility, and patience.  I know what you are thinking, just another "self help" book telling us what we need to do to be "better Christians" but surprisingly enough, it has turned out to not be as condeming as one would think.

I can't really pin point where my thoughts of "as long as I do what is right I will be found worthy" come from.  It is possible that it rooted itself in me as a child growing up with parents that demanded respect (and rightfully so) or from wounds inflicted upon me as a young woman in the dating world being constantly wounded or perhaps just an expectation I placed upon myself somewhere along the way.  Never the less, it has been my behavioral reference for a very long time but within the first two chapters of this book (backed up with scripture), I am discovering that I have it all backwards.  It's not because I do the right things that I am found worthy, BUT rather because I am worthy, I have the privelege of doing the right things.  WHAT???  This whole concept has certainly thrown me for a loop.  The virtues of Christ are that of silk and fine linen but putting them on doesn't make me a christian, rather because I am a christian, I have the privelege of putting them on.  I missed this concept somewhere along the way.  I am one of those people that can say that there has never been a day in all my life that I didn't know and love Jesus and because of that reason, I suppose I never felt "chosen".  I don't have some great testimony that will win the hearts of many but that doesn't mean that I have it all together either.  In fact, as you have just read, I have it, or did have it, a bit upside down.  All this time, I have beaten myself up and willed myself to "act right" so that I could portray Christ the way I felt he should be shown to the world, and I have taken lots of pride in myself and my ability to "keep away" from a life entangled in massive amounts of sin.  (You like how I just measured that?  That has judgement written all over it. ;-) )  I think that because this has been my life for as long as I can remember, I missed the "grace boat".  With every sermon I have heard, with every bible study I've attended, with every other book (including the bible) that I have read, I have taken it as instruction instead of as an act of grace extended.  God doesn't force me to act a certain way because I carry his name but because I carry his name, because he chose me, because while weaving the threads of the sun and moon, because while bringing the ocean to the shore, and because while orchastrating all the universe into perfection, he placed his hand on my mother's womb and said, "She is mine, call her Joy", I get the honor to dress myself in linens of white and it is impossible for me to stain them.  Still, among the thousand other things of importance that he has on his plate, He stops to converse with me, hold me, love on me, blush over me and with that he INVITES me to take off the scratching tattered wool that has been patched together with pain, unforgiveness, anger, abuse, and many other ugly pieces of clothe and put on his taylor made silk gown that fits like a glove.  Um...WOW!  Really?  Should I refuse, he STILL and always will find me holy, worthy, and as a chosen one.  But why would I refuse?  Why would you?  Yes, as my husband so cleverly stated earlier as we discussed this awesomeness, the wool has served it's purpose well.  It has kept us warm and safe to a certain degree thus causing the fear that wells up inside of us when we think of taking it off, but we are missing our chance to go to the ball and dance with the Prince.  Never the less, the Prince will wait, the clock will never strike mid-night, and you/ I will never miss our carriage that will take us there but the gown is waiting in our closets ready to be put on.

...and all this in just the first few chapters.  I'll keep you updated on more revelations as I continue on.  Please be in prayer over me during my journey and I too will be praying for you all.