So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered. (Genesis 32: 24-27)
I have read this story often and always thought it amazing that God gave Jacob such an experience but as I was asked to look deeper into the story (by God via a book I am reading), tears overwhelmed me at the question the Lord asks Jacob. "What is your name?" Who are you? Are you what I intended you to be? As I squirmed in my chair, not really wanting to reply, I wonder if Jacob felt the same way. My answer went something like this. "I am Joy and no, I am not who you intended for me to be. I have grabbed hold of world's ways instead of finding my identity in you. I am angry and bitter and unhappy in my circumstance. I have been betrayed and unforgiving. I am fearful of becoming vulnerable and have not trusted you with my whole heart." The answer given here was not always given all at once, or the same things everytime (depending on what my trial was at the time) but none the less it is often the answer that the mirror shows.
Thankfully, The Lord, my Abba, the lover of my soul did not let go of me, nor will He ever, without giving a blessing upon my head, a new piece of truth that shows me that my name is changed. I am no longer Joy the betrayed, the angry, the daughter of sin but instead JOY, the daughter of the Savior, the beautiful, the forgiven, the lovely, the one made perfect through the love of Christ. The Lord always finds me as perfect as I sit at His feet. It is in my forgetting that He has to remind me and He never seems to grow tired of doing so.
Who are you? Continue to wrestle with Him as Jacob did, never letting go until He delivers you into a new name. A name that reflects your true identity in Him. He loves you. He is not angry with you and He will never leave nor forsake you.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Being Exposed
"A woman who had suffered a condition of hemorrhaging for twelve years—a long succession of physicians had treated her, and treated her badly, taking all her money and leaving her worse off than before—had heard about Jesus. She slipped in from behind and touched his robe. She was thinking to herself, "If I can put a finger on his robe, I can get well." The moment she did it, the flow of blood dried up. She could feel the change and knew her plague was over and done with.
At the same moment, Jesus felt energy discharging from him. He turned around to the crowd and asked, "Who touched my robe?"
His disciples said, "What are you talking about? With this crowd pushing and jostling you, you're asking, 'Who touched me?' Dozens have touched you!"
But he went on asking, looking around to see who had done it. The woman, knowing what had happened, knowing she was the one, stepped up in fear and trembling, knelt before him, and gave him the whole story.
Jesus said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague." (Mark 5: 25-34)
There is something about this story that grips me to my core. Everytime I read it, or hear it, a lump developes in my throut that is tough to swallow down. It's in the Lord's asking, "Who touched me?" This woman, who has tried to remain hidden, find healing in the shadows of a crowd, is about to be exposed. I imagine that she went into the crowd on her knees, crawling in the dirt, trying to be as tiny as possible because that was the way she felt within...unclean, unworthy, filthy even to the core, but upon recieving what she had put all her faith in by just reaching out and touching the hem of his cloak, I imagine her springing to her feet, relieved, thankful, and whole. But as soon as Christ asked, "Who touched me?" I can almost hear her heart pounding through the pages and the worried thoughts running through her mind, "What will the crowd think of me if they find out what I was? What will they do to me? Is this my consequence for trying to sneak a blessing?"
I suppose it grabs me so because I too have faced exposure on several accounts. Some the Lord prepared me for and others were brought on like this bleeding woman in the story...just a face in the crowd of a congregation, listening to the word of the Lord, recieving healing in secret there in my chair only for the Lord to have my Bishop point to me and ask me to come and kneel to reveal my pain and afflictions to him and others standing around. I have had those thoughts of worry and feelings of faintedness as I would confess who I "really" was. I had wondered how I would be judged and if others could find something to love after knowing the truth or if one by one they would gather up their stones. Scary as it was, I stepped out on faith and shared my story. I wish I could say that all of those who heard acted according the Christ's word, but the truth is that some did pick up their stones, some acted like I did have the plague, and through the love of Jesus, some are my closest friends today. Regardless of the friendships I lost or gained, what mattered more to me on the days of my exposure was that my faith healed me. I walked away clean, restored, and renewed in Christ Jesus.
We often fear the judging of others more than we want to recieve healing, so we remain hidden. It's time we just reach out on faith and grab onto the hem of Jesus's cloak. Our reward will be greater than anything we can ever imagine.
At the same moment, Jesus felt energy discharging from him. He turned around to the crowd and asked, "Who touched my robe?"
His disciples said, "What are you talking about? With this crowd pushing and jostling you, you're asking, 'Who touched me?' Dozens have touched you!"
But he went on asking, looking around to see who had done it. The woman, knowing what had happened, knowing she was the one, stepped up in fear and trembling, knelt before him, and gave him the whole story.
Jesus said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague." (Mark 5: 25-34)
There is something about this story that grips me to my core. Everytime I read it, or hear it, a lump developes in my throut that is tough to swallow down. It's in the Lord's asking, "Who touched me?" This woman, who has tried to remain hidden, find healing in the shadows of a crowd, is about to be exposed. I imagine that she went into the crowd on her knees, crawling in the dirt, trying to be as tiny as possible because that was the way she felt within...unclean, unworthy, filthy even to the core, but upon recieving what she had put all her faith in by just reaching out and touching the hem of his cloak, I imagine her springing to her feet, relieved, thankful, and whole. But as soon as Christ asked, "Who touched me?" I can almost hear her heart pounding through the pages and the worried thoughts running through her mind, "What will the crowd think of me if they find out what I was? What will they do to me? Is this my consequence for trying to sneak a blessing?"
I suppose it grabs me so because I too have faced exposure on several accounts. Some the Lord prepared me for and others were brought on like this bleeding woman in the story...just a face in the crowd of a congregation, listening to the word of the Lord, recieving healing in secret there in my chair only for the Lord to have my Bishop point to me and ask me to come and kneel to reveal my pain and afflictions to him and others standing around. I have had those thoughts of worry and feelings of faintedness as I would confess who I "really" was. I had wondered how I would be judged and if others could find something to love after knowing the truth or if one by one they would gather up their stones. Scary as it was, I stepped out on faith and shared my story. I wish I could say that all of those who heard acted according the Christ's word, but the truth is that some did pick up their stones, some acted like I did have the plague, and through the love of Jesus, some are my closest friends today. Regardless of the friendships I lost or gained, what mattered more to me on the days of my exposure was that my faith healed me. I walked away clean, restored, and renewed in Christ Jesus.
We often fear the judging of others more than we want to recieve healing, so we remain hidden. It's time we just reach out on faith and grab onto the hem of Jesus's cloak. Our reward will be greater than anything we can ever imagine.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Beast that is a Marathon
Every thing that could have gone hay wire did just that. We had prepped and planned for 5 months straight to run this marathon but nothing could have prepared us for what we were about to experience.
First what should have been a nice scenic 4 hour drive to our hotel turned into a total of 10 hours before we actually reached our hotel. The details include sitting in traffic for an hour and a half in Forsyth due to road workers sitting around chatting and laughing at us travelers as we crept by. (No one knows for sure what they were SUPPOSED to be doing besides causing lots of road rage.) Once we finally got past all that mess and hurried down to our hotel's exit, we decided to just go straight on to the Savannah Convention Center to pick up our packets. Apparently the beautiful city of Savannah thought it would be a fun little practical joke to play on all us 23,000 runners to have us pick up our packets in a place that was built on an island, meaning only one way on and on way off by means of a 2 lane bridge. Needless to say, more traffic, more stress (the packet pick up would be closing soon) and wondering if a bridge can hold that many passangers is not a nice thought to have as you feel it's bouncing movement. Oh, did I mention our gas light was blinding us with a beaming reminder that it's almost empty, but we finally made it.
After receiving our packets and being shoved out of the expo by the venders who were ready to go home, we headed back to our cars, which were parked what felt like 2 miles away when you are walking around in 4 inch heels (a decision I deeply regretted once the hike started.) We had worked up quite an appetite after all the walking and stress, so we chose a place to grab a bite. Andi, Christi, and I each got in our individual cars with our wonderful husbands that we so loveingly dragged along and headed out. The restaurant we picked was right in front of our hotel. After finding a gas station, Andi texted me saying she wanted to check into the hotel first so we all agreed. Her and Sean reached the hotel first to which we soon found out that they were not at the same Fairfield Inn that Christi and I were at. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! After the fire from our ears turned to smoke, we still decided to eat at the place in front of mine and Christi's hotel. We were able to find a few laughs in the highly stressful day and made plans on how to meet in the morning and went our seperate ways to try and get some sleep.
The following morning, I woke up in a panic; looked at the clock to realize I had slept in 30 minutes past the time I was suppose to get up. After getting ready in a hurry, braiding Christi's hair, her braiding mine and poor Andi waiting as patiently as an angel, we got in the car to head to the Savannah mall where the shuttle bus was to pick us up and take us to the start line. Oooooffffff course we sat in traffic on our way there and quickly discovered once we pulled into the parking lot that EVERYONE else thought this would be the quickest way to get to the race as well. The lines (and yes I mean lineS, there were about 10 in all) to get on the buses where each at least 100 yards long. The gun shot for the race to start would be resounding in about 45 minutes and we saw no way that we would make it on time. You could hear the anger and frustration in the voices around us. This was not well thought out by the city of Savannah. Finally someone called in all the buses and shuttles the city had and we were able to make it on one...an open air one...with plastic covering the windows...in 32 degree weather...we were FREEZING!!!
Arriving to the start line 32 mins late, we were finally on our way. Aaahhh, we made it. Time to relax...I mean race. We past miles 1-5 in a hurry, shuffling through the massive crowds, trying to stay together and then something happened. A water station appeared and we all made our way to it, fighting to get water and when Christi and I turned around to look for Andi, we had lost her. Where did she go? On we ran, looking through the runners trying to find her but she was no where in sight. We hoped she had taken off to meet her goal of finishing the race an hour faster than us and so we didn't worry too much. We later found out that she too, got water, looked around and couldn't find us. The crowds had swept us apart like a vicious tide and we just had to go with it.
As the miles went on, we enjoyed some beautiful scenery and some not so beautiful (i.e. 6 miles of the 516 interstate) but the coolest thing ever was meeting an angel. No, I was not delusional; then again, maybe I was. It was about mile 20. My knees where killing me and Christi suggested that I stop at the medic station right in front of us and get some pain medicine. I waved her off and decided to just push through and keep going. Not ten feet up, we came up on a woman who turned to me and said, "Do you need some Advil?" "No, thank you," I replied, "I can't take anything like that without water. "I have water too," she said as she pulled out a bottle from her fanny pack. "Oh! Ok, I suppose I will then." I took the medicine from her hand and drank some of her water. "Now, here are some cookies. You can't take that medicine without any food." she said as she handed me a handful of animal crackers. "Is this your first marathon?" she asked. "Yes ma'am, it is." I answered. "This is my 117th. Believe me, you girls look much more impressive than I did on my first one." And with that she was off, disappearing in the distance, leaving me and Christi in bewilderment. It was totally AWESOME!!! We were so close to the end and Christi was so strong for me as I wanted to just give up and walk. She kept me moving and motivated. The thought that Andi waiting on us kept my legs moving as well. I wanted to make her proud.
Andi, in her long legged glory finished the race 50 minutes before we reached the finish line. We had prayed for her along the way and glory be to God, she sustained no injuries (which she was afraid she would) and stayed strong through the whole thing. We were so happy for her and it was great to see her again after our sprinting finish into the arms of our supportive husbands who carried signs and cheered us on.
WE HAD ALL JUST FINISHED A MARATHON!!! It was the craziest ride but will be some of my most favorite memories.
First what should have been a nice scenic 4 hour drive to our hotel turned into a total of 10 hours before we actually reached our hotel. The details include sitting in traffic for an hour and a half in Forsyth due to road workers sitting around chatting and laughing at us travelers as we crept by. (No one knows for sure what they were SUPPOSED to be doing besides causing lots of road rage.) Once we finally got past all that mess and hurried down to our hotel's exit, we decided to just go straight on to the Savannah Convention Center to pick up our packets. Apparently the beautiful city of Savannah thought it would be a fun little practical joke to play on all us 23,000 runners to have us pick up our packets in a place that was built on an island, meaning only one way on and on way off by means of a 2 lane bridge. Needless to say, more traffic, more stress (the packet pick up would be closing soon) and wondering if a bridge can hold that many passangers is not a nice thought to have as you feel it's bouncing movement. Oh, did I mention our gas light was blinding us with a beaming reminder that it's almost empty, but we finally made it.
After receiving our packets and being shoved out of the expo by the venders who were ready to go home, we headed back to our cars, which were parked what felt like 2 miles away when you are walking around in 4 inch heels (a decision I deeply regretted once the hike started.) We had worked up quite an appetite after all the walking and stress, so we chose a place to grab a bite. Andi, Christi, and I each got in our individual cars with our wonderful husbands that we so loveingly dragged along and headed out. The restaurant we picked was right in front of our hotel. After finding a gas station, Andi texted me saying she wanted to check into the hotel first so we all agreed. Her and Sean reached the hotel first to which we soon found out that they were not at the same Fairfield Inn that Christi and I were at. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! After the fire from our ears turned to smoke, we still decided to eat at the place in front of mine and Christi's hotel. We were able to find a few laughs in the highly stressful day and made plans on how to meet in the morning and went our seperate ways to try and get some sleep.
The following morning, I woke up in a panic; looked at the clock to realize I had slept in 30 minutes past the time I was suppose to get up. After getting ready in a hurry, braiding Christi's hair, her braiding mine and poor Andi waiting as patiently as an angel, we got in the car to head to the Savannah mall where the shuttle bus was to pick us up and take us to the start line. Oooooffffff course we sat in traffic on our way there and quickly discovered once we pulled into the parking lot that EVERYONE else thought this would be the quickest way to get to the race as well. The lines (and yes I mean lineS, there were about 10 in all) to get on the buses where each at least 100 yards long. The gun shot for the race to start would be resounding in about 45 minutes and we saw no way that we would make it on time. You could hear the anger and frustration in the voices around us. This was not well thought out by the city of Savannah. Finally someone called in all the buses and shuttles the city had and we were able to make it on one...an open air one...with plastic covering the windows...in 32 degree weather...we were FREEZING!!!
Arriving to the start line 32 mins late, we were finally on our way. Aaahhh, we made it. Time to relax...I mean race. We past miles 1-5 in a hurry, shuffling through the massive crowds, trying to stay together and then something happened. A water station appeared and we all made our way to it, fighting to get water and when Christi and I turned around to look for Andi, we had lost her. Where did she go? On we ran, looking through the runners trying to find her but she was no where in sight. We hoped she had taken off to meet her goal of finishing the race an hour faster than us and so we didn't worry too much. We later found out that she too, got water, looked around and couldn't find us. The crowds had swept us apart like a vicious tide and we just had to go with it.
As the miles went on, we enjoyed some beautiful scenery and some not so beautiful (i.e. 6 miles of the 516 interstate) but the coolest thing ever was meeting an angel. No, I was not delusional; then again, maybe I was. It was about mile 20. My knees where killing me and Christi suggested that I stop at the medic station right in front of us and get some pain medicine. I waved her off and decided to just push through and keep going. Not ten feet up, we came up on a woman who turned to me and said, "Do you need some Advil?" "No, thank you," I replied, "I can't take anything like that without water. "I have water too," she said as she pulled out a bottle from her fanny pack. "Oh! Ok, I suppose I will then." I took the medicine from her hand and drank some of her water. "Now, here are some cookies. You can't take that medicine without any food." she said as she handed me a handful of animal crackers. "Is this your first marathon?" she asked. "Yes ma'am, it is." I answered. "This is my 117th. Believe me, you girls look much more impressive than I did on my first one." And with that she was off, disappearing in the distance, leaving me and Christi in bewilderment. It was totally AWESOME!!! We were so close to the end and Christi was so strong for me as I wanted to just give up and walk. She kept me moving and motivated. The thought that Andi waiting on us kept my legs moving as well. I wanted to make her proud.
Andi, in her long legged glory finished the race 50 minutes before we reached the finish line. We had prayed for her along the way and glory be to God, she sustained no injuries (which she was afraid she would) and stayed strong through the whole thing. We were so happy for her and it was great to see her again after our sprinting finish into the arms of our supportive husbands who carried signs and cheered us on.
WE HAD ALL JUST FINISHED A MARATHON!!! It was the craziest ride but will be some of my most favorite memories.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I am thankful
We sat on the porch of the house in Blairsville, enjoying the scenery of mountain tops covered in, what looked like, beautiful patchwork. The season is changing thus bringing alive the most brilliant of colors for us to admire. With nothing for us to do and no where for us to go, (just what we asked for by coming up here) our mouths did all the moving. As the hours went by, one by one, we all shared our stories of tragedy and triumph. The details of each were different, of course, but as the emotions flowed, I saw the common ground in which we all stood...thankful. Reliving some of our most painful memories, hot tears streaked our cheeks but this time, for me anyway, it was more out of joy than out of sorrow. It was with the ability to see with a God’s eye view. I had mourned for a great long while and thought I would never find a day where I would feel normal again but indeed it approached about two months ago and here I sat, able to tell my story in thankfulness...thankfulness...sorry, I have to say it again...thankfulness. It's very foreign to me that I could actually be thankful for the near death of my marriage but in reflecting on it, on that porch, with two of the most amazing women I have ever met, I could honestly say I was thankful. For that very reason, I was able to tell my story and remember my pain with gladness. In talking with my friends, I soon found out that they too were thankful for what they had gone through as well. It was the worst of times in our lives but, by choosing to walk with the Lord through it, we saw that it became the best of times. We crossed a line from understanding our Abba’s love for us to actually experiencing, feeling, knowing and growing in that love. I can honestly say that had it not been for my “near death experience”, I would not know the Lord like I do today. Had it not been for the tragedy that my marriage faced, I would not have the opportunity to invest in the lives of others the way God allows me to now and had it not been for walking in total darkness, I would have no clue what the ladies beside me had felt and my responses to them would be cold and rigid. I am thankful that my life fell apart two years ago. I am thankful my husband and I never gave up our fight. I am thankful God has fully restored us and I am thankful that He has made me thankful.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Joy is always available
Traffic was non-existent as we took a long Sunday drive down to south Griffin. The sun blazed in the clear blue skies but the early fall weather (early for Georgia anyway) brought a chilly breeze and cool crisp air. It truly was a perfect day. We pulled into the driveway of the Holloway home and my heart filled with anticipation. Seth, Jocelyn and I walked up to the door and gave it a subtle knock. We were received by a beautiful young girl and escorted to her father's room. John, the Bishop over our church only a short four years ago, now lay in a hospital bed with a home nurse at his side. A severe stroke put him in this state, causing a loss of speech, a brain bleed that brought on the removal of half his skull, as well as a clot that led to a partial leg amputation. What this horrible inncident did NOT take, besides some of the obvious things such as the ability to sustain life and understand others, was his joy and peace. His countenance proved this truth as our entrance into his world was met with a smile a million miles long which spread across his gleaming face. He muttered words we could not understand and held out his hand for us to take as a greeting. The expression of happiness continued as my husband administered communion. After receiving the elements, he gave us a blessing with the sign of the cross and as I went over by his side to say my farewell, he took my hand, pulled me in, and kissed my cheek. While the visit was short, it will be a memory I hold forever and though the intention of our visit was to bless him, I believe the greater blessing was given to us.
This man, whose life changed in an instant, who could have easily fallen into depression and given up on life a long time ago has chosen not to sell his peace for despair, has chosen to count it all joy, and has chosen to keep on following after God's own heart no matter what the circumstances. May it always be a reminder that no matter what may come, joy is always available in the side of the Lord.
This man, whose life changed in an instant, who could have easily fallen into depression and given up on life a long time ago has chosen not to sell his peace for despair, has chosen to count it all joy, and has chosen to keep on following after God's own heart no matter what the circumstances. May it always be a reminder that no matter what may come, joy is always available in the side of the Lord.
Friday, September 16, 2011
There's no place like Home
My first born and I have been sparce on one on one time together as of late due to pre-k starting. We have found it hard to adjust as we embark on this new adventure for we have been attached at the hip since she was born. Needless to say it was quite enjoyable to go into our basement/movie room, just her and me, and watch one of my favorites, a movie I have enjoyed since childhood. As the Wizard of Oz started, we sat hand and hand. I could not have asked for a more joyful moment then there on that couch with my Joci. She sat, intently watching, the entire movie and as Dorothy said her goodbyes just before leaving Oz, an unexpected lump crept into my throut. "Well, I... I think that it... that it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em... and it's that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard; because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with." I suppose I was thinking of her finding her own way into adulthood and the places she may venture to but mostly it was the hope that she will always find her hearts desire at home. I don't really mean home with her father and me, but home at the feet of our Abba. Most of us, at one point or another, wonders if where we are is where we belong, or if there is a place where we would be happier, more appreciated, more loved. We often seek out different things to try and fill this longing of something greater. We may momentarily find that in a foreign land doing foreign things, life is brighter than the place in which we left but when the newness wears off, it feels no different than what we had before. Our search for joy and peace can not be found in a different atmosphere or wearing a different identity but within the intimacies of Christ. When Christ gives joy, he gives it to it's fullest. John 15:11 says: "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." Joy and peace are simple and unencumbered. They don't need anything to exist, only God and the portions He gives. My prayer is not only for my children to always have these virtues of Christ no matter what adventure life takes them on but that I/we all have and know it as well.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
You are forgiven, no strings attached.
"Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you, in thought, word, and deed, with what we have done and what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. For the sake of your son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us, that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways, to the glory of your name. Amen."
Every Sunday, the congregation of Christ the King (the church with which I am apart of), humbly bows on bended knee, if capable, and prays this prayer. Not one among us can stand with head held high, proclaiming that he has no need to confess, for we all know that the person to the right of us, to the left of us, to the front of and behind us but especially ourselves, falls short of God's glory. Thus we confess and repent. We do this so that we can be in right standing with our Lord. So that nothing is hindering us to delight in Him and walk in His ways but the confession, for most, is the easy part. It's walking away, knowing your garment carries no stain or evidence of your sin is where many of us get hung up.
It's obvious that Christ knows we are sinners so telling him that we are, is fairly easy, it's accepting His forgiveness that stops us short in our tracks. We feel that if we don't carry the guilt, the penalty, the burden of wounding others, then somehow we are not human. It feels almost wrong to accept forgiveness without first paying back the debt somehow. We don't feel it is right to go without seperation from God for the things we may have done or left undone. We feel the guilt will keep us in check, the burden will help us white knuckle through temptations, and time after time we lose. We lose because the more guilt we feel, the heavier the burden gets, the more an escape or a way to hide feels safer but all the while, we fall further and further away from our Lord, our Abba, and deeper and deeper into the entanglement of depression, lost battles, and sin we become. Right where our enemy wants us. He does not want us to accept forgiveness, to walk in freedom, to have the knowledge that God doesn't forgive us for us, but for himself so that he can love on us, cuddle with us, guide us, shepherd us. If we become accepting of God's love and forgiveness for ourselves, the freedom to love and forgive others would grow in abundance, changing the lives of many. It would be an epidemic, something the enemy and destroyer of our souls does not want in the least.
When Christ hung on the cross, He stood in front of you before the Lord and said, "I did it. I was the one who lied to my parents. I was the one who betrayed my best friend. I was the one who had an affair on my spouse. I was the one who abused drugs and alcohol, got behind the wheel of a car and killed an innocent life. It was me that hit my children in anger, cursed a life you created, aborted my unborn child. It was me that tore a family apart and spread rumors about one of my classmates. Blame me Father. I am the one to be punished, to bore this sin. Turn your eyes from me." Then after He took on all our sins, He turns to us and says, "You are forgiven. Will you accept that? Will you accept my gift of freedom? Go and sin no more."
I urge you, accept what our Christ has done for you, is doing everyday for you, and walk in guilt no more but in freedom. Help those around you who can not seem to grasp this reality but live in guilt constantly. Help them see that Christ is all about love, not condemnation, freedom, not chains, and relationship, not seperation.
Every Sunday, the congregation of Christ the King (the church with which I am apart of), humbly bows on bended knee, if capable, and prays this prayer. Not one among us can stand with head held high, proclaiming that he has no need to confess, for we all know that the person to the right of us, to the left of us, to the front of and behind us but especially ourselves, falls short of God's glory. Thus we confess and repent. We do this so that we can be in right standing with our Lord. So that nothing is hindering us to delight in Him and walk in His ways but the confession, for most, is the easy part. It's walking away, knowing your garment carries no stain or evidence of your sin is where many of us get hung up.
It's obvious that Christ knows we are sinners so telling him that we are, is fairly easy, it's accepting His forgiveness that stops us short in our tracks. We feel that if we don't carry the guilt, the penalty, the burden of wounding others, then somehow we are not human. It feels almost wrong to accept forgiveness without first paying back the debt somehow. We don't feel it is right to go without seperation from God for the things we may have done or left undone. We feel the guilt will keep us in check, the burden will help us white knuckle through temptations, and time after time we lose. We lose because the more guilt we feel, the heavier the burden gets, the more an escape or a way to hide feels safer but all the while, we fall further and further away from our Lord, our Abba, and deeper and deeper into the entanglement of depression, lost battles, and sin we become. Right where our enemy wants us. He does not want us to accept forgiveness, to walk in freedom, to have the knowledge that God doesn't forgive us for us, but for himself so that he can love on us, cuddle with us, guide us, shepherd us. If we become accepting of God's love and forgiveness for ourselves, the freedom to love and forgive others would grow in abundance, changing the lives of many. It would be an epidemic, something the enemy and destroyer of our souls does not want in the least.
When Christ hung on the cross, He stood in front of you before the Lord and said, "I did it. I was the one who lied to my parents. I was the one who betrayed my best friend. I was the one who had an affair on my spouse. I was the one who abused drugs and alcohol, got behind the wheel of a car and killed an innocent life. It was me that hit my children in anger, cursed a life you created, aborted my unborn child. It was me that tore a family apart and spread rumors about one of my classmates. Blame me Father. I am the one to be punished, to bore this sin. Turn your eyes from me." Then after He took on all our sins, He turns to us and says, "You are forgiven. Will you accept that? Will you accept my gift of freedom? Go and sin no more."
I urge you, accept what our Christ has done for you, is doing everyday for you, and walk in guilt no more but in freedom. Help those around you who can not seem to grasp this reality but live in guilt constantly. Help them see that Christ is all about love, not condemnation, freedom, not chains, and relationship, not seperation.
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