Being Exposed

"A woman who had suffered a condition of hemorrhaging for twelve years—a long succession of physicians had treated her, and treated her badly, taking all her money and leaving her worse off than before—had heard about Jesus. She slipped in from behind and touched his robe. She was thinking to herself, "If I can put a finger on his robe, I can get well." The moment she did it, the flow of blood dried up. She could feel the change and knew her plague was over and done with.
At the same moment, Jesus felt energy discharging from him. He turned around to the crowd and asked, "Who touched my robe?"
His disciples said, "What are you talking about? With this crowd pushing and jostling you, you're asking, 'Who touched me?' Dozens have touched you!"
But he went on asking, looking around to see who had done it. The woman, knowing what had happened, knowing she was the one, stepped up in fear and trembling, knelt before him, and gave him the whole story.
Jesus said to her, "Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague."  (Mark 5: 25-34)


There is something about this story that grips me to my core.  Everytime I read it, or hear it, a lump developes in my throut that is tough to swallow down.  It's in the Lord's asking, "Who touched me?"  This woman, who has tried to remain hidden, find healing in the shadows of a crowd, is about to be exposed.  I imagine that she went into the crowd on her knees, crawling in the dirt, trying to be as tiny as possible because that was the way she felt within...unclean, unworthy, filthy even to the core, but upon recieving what she had put all her faith in by just reaching out and touching the hem of his cloak, I imagine her springing to her feet, relieved, thankful, and whole.  But as soon as Christ asked, "Who touched me?" I can almost hear her heart pounding through the pages and the worried thoughts running through her mind, "What will the crowd think of me if they find out what I was?  What will they do to me? Is this my consequence for trying to sneak a blessing?"


I suppose it grabs me so because I too have faced exposure on several accounts.  Some the Lord prepared me for and others were brought on like this bleeding woman in the story...just a face in the crowd of a congregation, listening to the word of the Lord, recieving healing in secret there in my chair only for the Lord to have my Bishop point to me and ask me to come and kneel to reveal my pain and afflictions to him and others standing around.  I have had those thoughts of worry and feelings of faintedness as I would confess who I "really" was.  I had wondered how I would be judged and if others could find something to love after knowing the truth or if one by one they would gather up their stones. Scary as it was, I stepped out on faith and shared my story.  I wish I could say that all of those who heard acted according the Christ's word, but the truth is that some did pick up their stones, some acted like I did have the plague, and through the love of Jesus, some are my closest friends today.  Regardless of the friendships I lost or gained, what mattered more to me on the days of my exposure was that my faith healed me.  I walked away clean, restored, and renewed in Christ Jesus.


We often fear the judging of others more than we want to recieve healing, so we remain hidden.  It's time we just reach out on faith and grab onto the hem of Jesus's cloak.  Our reward will be greater than anything we can ever imagine.